Nine months.
Nine months ago, you were born. I loved you from the moment I found out I was pregnant with you. When you were born, you were and always are perfect. You have the most gorgeous eyes, a laugh that puts a smile across my face, and your love for me is endless, as my love for you is endless as well! Now your nine months old, and it seems as if last week I was just holding you in my arms for the first time while you slept ever so peacefully. Now you are such an active little girl, and have such a wonderful personality. You rarely ever give me a hard time, such a well behaved big girl! We've gone through nights of no sleep, or you falling asleep in mommy's arms sometimes I would just lay there and watch you sleeping so peaceful, and smile so proudly that I was blessed to be your mama. You have learned so many new things, for example: saying your first words, to give mama and dada those sweet kisses of yours, how to high five, and how to bang your toys together (loudly!) you have also have gone through many of your milestones and "firsts" like: your first two bottom teeth came through, your first time crawling, your first time holding your own baba, and your first time trying a sippy cup, sitting up all by yourself, and not having to use the baby tub and taking bathes in the BIG GIRL TUB. There are many others that you have learned and much more you will learn as well as you keep growing. I consider myself a very lucky mom to have been blessed and chosen by Jesus to take care of you and cherish, and to love and provide for! Mommy loves you so very much Zoe, and each day that I wake up to your smiling face, makes my world just light up soo much more. I can't wait for your many other "firsts" that you will have. You make me so proud, and today you turn nine months old! Each and every day you cease to amaze me, and I look forward to big, bright things in your future. I knew I always loved you since I found out I was pregnant, we have a special bond. Now your nine months old and we still have that special bond that no one could ever break!
That is my letter to my gorgeous baby girl that I cherish more then anything in the world! Well I know Ive become a horrible, non-consistent blogger! I really need to WORK ON THAT! I will try to keep everyone updated with things that are going on, it's just been very busy. With all the mommy work, and the house-work as well. Then I found out that I have a pinched nerve in my back!( and yes it is EXTREMELY PAINFUL!) :( but I do my best to deal with it as much as I can, I don't have the luxury of taking time off my job..but with the pinched nerve, I have to go to physical therapy, take pain meds to sleep at night! (for anyone that knows me I hate taking meds, so I try not to take them unless the pain is pretty bad!) my doctor said physical therapy is "supposed" to help with the pain. I'm not sure if it takes time that's what I was told but the first time I went which was yesterday, it was extremely painful, and I ended up crying through most of it! (I tried soo hard not too, it did not work soo well!) and when left I actually worse then when I went in. I will keep going, just to give it time and see if my pain will disappear over time. I want something to help, I do not want to be on pain killers all the time. Even worse have to get surgery( that would be the next step my doctor said if physical therapy does not take!) so I am keeping my fingers crossed that my back will get better! I'm too young to be having issues like this! Well that's pretty much it for now.
Buh-bye
Blog! Always with love
Tina<3
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Long time NO BLOG!
Geez I haven't blogged in such a long time! Not that I have alot of people that follow/read my blog haha..Any whoo, well alot has gone on since I've been away. Be prepared I may ramble on a bit, and confuse you since it's been quite a while. So I can only hope that I write this blog to where it makes since, if not well then I'm sorry!
Marriage: you know marriage is sometimes hard. Even when you and the other person are very compatible and they make you happy, and complete. Take me for instance: sometimes I just don't want to talk, or have someone offer to be of some help. I don't get that alot unless I'm sick ( which never happens THANK GOD!) or a special day, and truth be told I just want (some) help! It doesn't have to be major I don't expect you to clean the whole house spotless. No. I am just saying put a dish up, maybe wash dishes, or put a load of laundry in the washer. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so?! I'm not being ungrateful because I am grateful for my husband and all that he does but his legs or hands are not broke! It just seems as if I am doing this all alone with no help, and truth be told it just IRKS me! Although I may be the one to blame in this situation because I never mention this to my husband. ( I tend to think I'm super-woman, and can do everything!) but I just CAN'T! but one thing I will say and never speak Ill of Mitchell is that he is a fabulous father!!! He does everything he can for Zoe. It kind of evens out that he doesn't clean. I have always wanted for Zoe to have two parents, and not one and a part-time parent. Luckily she has two that will do anything and everything for her! All that set aside I'd have to say that the hardest part of being married and having a baby is the lack of time spent together with Mitchell. Don't get me wrong I throughly enjoy spending time with Zoe and seeing her bright smile every day! But Mitchell and I seem to never get any time together, with him working, me taking care of Zoe and house work everyday, we just never seem to get a moment just to watch tv and cuddle! Him either too tired, or Mitchell is too tired. The good thing is that it doesn't put a strain on our relationship because although we are both busy (him: with working, me: with everything else) we get along extremely well, and he can do/say anything to make me smile, or make a long day just that much better! Him and Zoe! They sure do complete me! :)
Me: I've been drained the past couple days. I'm a mother ( who wouldn't be?) but I take it all in stride and move forward in my day. Although I have extreme lack of sleep, I wake up every morning ( not because I have to) with Zoe. It's something about when I go into her room and peek over at her in her crib and she lifts up her head and just gives me the biggest smile, just let's me know sleep or no sleep that day will be good no matter what! :) I am going to have to make a doctors appointment soon. I have to get back on my migraine meds first of all, I seem to be getting one at-least three times a week, and that can not be good at all. It could be stress, or just no sleep, but I need to get this under-control! I need to be in tip-top shape to take care of my baby-girl. I also need to get back on my depression meds ( I don't have extreme depression) it just seems to make my days better, and I don't seem to stress out as much ( if you couldn't already tell I am a HIGH strung person!) then I have to make a female doctors appointment for a mammogram I know OUCH but with being in remission I have to do it every year to make sure no new masses have formed. Those two appointments I am going to make sometime next week, I'll keep everyone updated! Although I'm sure there is nothing to cause any concern.
Last weekend I went to visit my mother and friends. I took miss Zoe with me. We had an wonderful time! Zoe got to spend time with her grandparents, and I got to spend time with family and friends! I got to hang out with one of my good friends morgan! It was absolutely the thing that I needed the most just a relaxing day with-out a baby attached to me. We got some lunch, did some errands, and I got my nails done and Morgan got her toes did! Haha. Thanks again Morgan for the wonderful day! :) I also got to spend lots of time with my mother. It was great as well, she helped me soo much with Zoe! Even though I let her know she did not have too! But she did anyways and makes me appreciate her and all the things she has ever done for me that much more!
Zoe: there has been alot of milestones that Zoe has mastered! Since I have blogged, I will list them:
1.Her ( teeth) not tooth came in about two-weeks ago. Her two bottom pearly whites made their entrance! We are dealing with the stresses of her teething her and I. She's been alot more fussy lately, but nothing her or I can't handle. I just thank the lord that she NEVER ran fever through-out the duration of her teething.
2. She crawled all by herself! She has a unique run-crawl as one of my friends put it. It is soo extremely adorable though, look out every-one zoes on the move! ( I am getting safety latches this week) we are currently working on walking so far she has been able to take 2 steps till she falls into my arms. We are taking little strides I am not forcing her until she is absolutely ready!
3. She eats solids three times a day! She gets her fruits and oatmeal with a 4 ounce bottle of formula in the morning, then gets vegetables with mixed grains with 4 ounces juice for lunch, then gets her dinner solids with mixed grains and another 4 ounces of formula for dinner. Then right before she goes to sleep she gets a 7 ounce bottle of formula, to help her go to sleep. We are cutting down on formula by alot instead of always going every week ( because I get the big container for formula) I only have to get it every 2-3 weeks.
3. She started holding her own bottle, and started using a sippy-cup ( not all the time, we are weening into it!) but she's slowly getting the hang of it, she's learning that juice comes out faster from the sippy-cup then the bottle.
4. She's very observant! She knows what she wants and will lunge towards it ( she mostly wants my phone or the remotes!) she's particular with what she wants to play with and loves her binky ( her pink elephant security blanky that she's had since she was born) she also loves to bang her toys together and make alot of noise.
5. Last but not least, she is learning new words everyday! Now the words she knows is: mama, dada, baba, nana, and hey. She also knows who to direct her words to, she calls me mama, calls her daddy dada, and you get the gist. She knows what things, and who people are. She also knows how to wave hi and bye.
Well that's pretty much all that's been going on in our little family, and life! I promise I will try to be more current on my blogs, I have just been really busy! I will also load more recent photos of Zoe as soon as we get another computer, trust me that's a long drawn out story you don't want to hear. To sum it up it went out. So for now I am down to my cell phone to do everything off of!
Love always
Tina
Marriage: you know marriage is sometimes hard. Even when you and the other person are very compatible and they make you happy, and complete. Take me for instance: sometimes I just don't want to talk, or have someone offer to be of some help. I don't get that alot unless I'm sick ( which never happens THANK GOD!) or a special day, and truth be told I just want (some) help! It doesn't have to be major I don't expect you to clean the whole house spotless. No. I am just saying put a dish up, maybe wash dishes, or put a load of laundry in the washer. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so?! I'm not being ungrateful because I am grateful for my husband and all that he does but his legs or hands are not broke! It just seems as if I am doing this all alone with no help, and truth be told it just IRKS me! Although I may be the one to blame in this situation because I never mention this to my husband. ( I tend to think I'm super-woman, and can do everything!) but I just CAN'T! but one thing I will say and never speak Ill of Mitchell is that he is a fabulous father!!! He does everything he can for Zoe. It kind of evens out that he doesn't clean. I have always wanted for Zoe to have two parents, and not one and a part-time parent. Luckily she has two that will do anything and everything for her! All that set aside I'd have to say that the hardest part of being married and having a baby is the lack of time spent together with Mitchell. Don't get me wrong I throughly enjoy spending time with Zoe and seeing her bright smile every day! But Mitchell and I seem to never get any time together, with him working, me taking care of Zoe and house work everyday, we just never seem to get a moment just to watch tv and cuddle! Him either too tired, or Mitchell is too tired. The good thing is that it doesn't put a strain on our relationship because although we are both busy (him: with working, me: with everything else) we get along extremely well, and he can do/say anything to make me smile, or make a long day just that much better! Him and Zoe! They sure do complete me! :)
Me: I've been drained the past couple days. I'm a mother ( who wouldn't be?) but I take it all in stride and move forward in my day. Although I have extreme lack of sleep, I wake up every morning ( not because I have to) with Zoe. It's something about when I go into her room and peek over at her in her crib and she lifts up her head and just gives me the biggest smile, just let's me know sleep or no sleep that day will be good no matter what! :) I am going to have to make a doctors appointment soon. I have to get back on my migraine meds first of all, I seem to be getting one at-least three times a week, and that can not be good at all. It could be stress, or just no sleep, but I need to get this under-control! I need to be in tip-top shape to take care of my baby-girl. I also need to get back on my depression meds ( I don't have extreme depression) it just seems to make my days better, and I don't seem to stress out as much ( if you couldn't already tell I am a HIGH strung person!) then I have to make a female doctors appointment for a mammogram I know OUCH but with being in remission I have to do it every year to make sure no new masses have formed. Those two appointments I am going to make sometime next week, I'll keep everyone updated! Although I'm sure there is nothing to cause any concern.
Last weekend I went to visit my mother and friends. I took miss Zoe with me. We had an wonderful time! Zoe got to spend time with her grandparents, and I got to spend time with family and friends! I got to hang out with one of my good friends morgan! It was absolutely the thing that I needed the most just a relaxing day with-out a baby attached to me. We got some lunch, did some errands, and I got my nails done and Morgan got her toes did! Haha. Thanks again Morgan for the wonderful day! :) I also got to spend lots of time with my mother. It was great as well, she helped me soo much with Zoe! Even though I let her know she did not have too! But she did anyways and makes me appreciate her and all the things she has ever done for me that much more!
Zoe: there has been alot of milestones that Zoe has mastered! Since I have blogged, I will list them:
1.Her ( teeth) not tooth came in about two-weeks ago. Her two bottom pearly whites made their entrance! We are dealing with the stresses of her teething her and I. She's been alot more fussy lately, but nothing her or I can't handle. I just thank the lord that she NEVER ran fever through-out the duration of her teething.
2. She crawled all by herself! She has a unique run-crawl as one of my friends put it. It is soo extremely adorable though, look out every-one zoes on the move! ( I am getting safety latches this week) we are currently working on walking so far she has been able to take 2 steps till she falls into my arms. We are taking little strides I am not forcing her until she is absolutely ready!
3. She eats solids three times a day! She gets her fruits and oatmeal with a 4 ounce bottle of formula in the morning, then gets vegetables with mixed grains with 4 ounces juice for lunch, then gets her dinner solids with mixed grains and another 4 ounces of formula for dinner. Then right before she goes to sleep she gets a 7 ounce bottle of formula, to help her go to sleep. We are cutting down on formula by alot instead of always going every week ( because I get the big container for formula) I only have to get it every 2-3 weeks.
3. She started holding her own bottle, and started using a sippy-cup ( not all the time, we are weening into it!) but she's slowly getting the hang of it, she's learning that juice comes out faster from the sippy-cup then the bottle.
4. She's very observant! She knows what she wants and will lunge towards it ( she mostly wants my phone or the remotes!) she's particular with what she wants to play with and loves her binky ( her pink elephant security blanky that she's had since she was born) she also loves to bang her toys together and make alot of noise.
5. Last but not least, she is learning new words everyday! Now the words she knows is: mama, dada, baba, nana, and hey. She also knows who to direct her words to, she calls me mama, calls her daddy dada, and you get the gist. She knows what things, and who people are. She also knows how to wave hi and bye.
Well that's pretty much all that's been going on in our little family, and life! I promise I will try to be more current on my blogs, I have just been really busy! I will also load more recent photos of Zoe as soon as we get another computer, trust me that's a long drawn out story you don't want to hear. To sum it up it went out. So for now I am down to my cell phone to do everything off of!
Love always
Tina
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Catching everyone up!
Wow its been awhile since I have last blogged. I have been mentally and physically tired! I will catch you all up on what has been going on in my life. Also let you all know how my first Mothers Day went!
- Well, I have been physically and emotionally drained these past couple weeks. No one believes that being a stay-at-home-mommy/house-wife, is actually very hard and hard work! But let me tell you IT IS! Also now that Zoe is almost seven months old, its much harder (not that I am complaining) I now have to deal with little or no nap times, teething, and the number one stressing factor my baby-girl has SEPARATION ANXIETY! It seems like every time I go to the other room for five seconds, when I leave her view she starts bawling! Is this normal? I love the fact that my baby loves me, but I also want her to be independent! I really think its an age thing though, I have read to where when they get around this age they want to be around people/things that are familiar and comfort them. I hope its a stage though I really do, because it makes me feel horrible when I leave and she automatically starts crying. It breaks my heart! Other then that Zoe has been doing extremely well, other then the teething and separation anxiety, she is developing great. She is trying to walk, before she crawls! She is sitting up on her own and discovering that she can do things everyday. I am a little bit on edge though as her cardiology appointment approaches. I am sure there is nothing to be concerned about, but when I think about how her appointment is this Friday I feel my heart and the thoughts about to race. I keep thinking "what-if?" "how am I going to deal if there is something abnormal?" I know all normal questions, but they bother me! I just want to "know" that she is fine and I dont have to be having all these "what-if" thoughts!
- I have to say the past couple weeks have been wonderful ever since I talked to Mitchell and explained to him that some of the things he does and says hurts my feelings, or seem mean to me. Even though he is doing it in a joking manner, it effects me. Since then he has been wonderful, so sweet and caring and just all in all PERFECT! It has definitely made me feel better, and made me feel appreciated in the ways that I so very needed.
- Mothers Day has been awesome today I have to say! I am not the type of person that I look forward to holidays for gifts! The best gift that I recieved today was a simple one! To have Mitchell and Zoe with me on Mothers Day and it happened, and that is all that I could ever ask for. But Mitchell also did surprise me with my digital camera printer that I have been wanting, and said it was from Zoe. He is soo adorably sweet for surprising me like that. I also got a card as well, it made me cry here's what it said:
when I think of the things daughters usually say to their mothers I think of the obvious ones...
I love you,
I need you,
I want to be like you when I grow up...
Now, I am grown-up, and I have something more I'd like to say-something I think you should know...
I am so proud of you.
you have my deepest respect as well as my love,
and I still want to be like you.
Happy Mothers Day!
and he signed it ZOE!
At that moment I thought to myself "Wow I am soo lucky to have a wonderful husband, and my beautiful baby girl" They mean the world to me, and I don't know where I would be with-out either of them. Today wasn't just about "me" as a mother but it was about family and how much they mean. That's what it made me think of, because when your a "mother" you are a family, and that family is what is going to get you through no matter how many tough things pass through LOVE always prevails! And I am glad I have people in my life that love me!
Daddy and Zoe
My Mothers Day consisted of the two loves of my life!
Could not have asked for a better day!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Life in the works!
Well I have stayed away from blogging so I would not get "writers block" per say, and run out of things to write about. Now is the time that I need to spill, there has been soo much that has been going on, it will be disorganized and out of order, so bear with me here!
- Easter was a great day! It would have been a much better day if Mitchell did not have to work that day and was able to be there! It was a day that he had to work, so I can not complain, but I just do not want Mitchell to miss those holidays, and milestones! I just do not want him to miss when Zoe does the most important things. For example: her crawling, and walking, her eating by herself, you know things as a parent you do not want to miss. He already has missed her saying her first word, and sitting up by herself. I do not want him to quit his job or anything, I just want him to see these moments because they are special, especially to a parent that taking a picture, or getting a video does not do it justice! Got a little "off" topic there but that is something I wanted to share with you all. We really did have a wonderful Easter, even though Mitchell was absent. Had some good food and great time with Zoe's grandparents and also her great grandparents as well! Although she did not do the famous "Easter egg hunt" I think shes just a little too young to do that. She did get the movie Bambi from her Nana though as an Easter present.
Mommy and Zoe
Zoe's First Easter! <3
- here as of lately I seem to be taking things that people say or do very personally! It actually pushes me to the edge to where I start to
cryactually the correct word is bawl! I am not sure where it comes from, I have never been that "type" of person to where what people say-or-do gets to that extent of bothering me so very much! I reallythink, actually I KNOW that it has to do with stress! It seems to where I start questioning myself about if I am doing something right? Or how did I mess this up? Why do I keep thinking I am walking on egg-shells? Then when it gets to the point to where I am beyond stressed out, I just completely shut-down! It all stems from my childhood, where when I had a problem or something bothered me, I kept it inside, and just let it tick away! Until I unleashed the wrath on un-expectant people, that it has nothing to do with! Now that I am older, I have not done that as much, but its still a process that I have to work on and deal with as it comes and I am sure that I will conquer this issue that I have! - Today I went to the doctor, since I have been having this excruciating pain in my pelvic area, when I go to sleep, and also I know this is going to be a little explicit but when I have intercourse, it feels like my uterus and everything attached is going to rip out of my body! I promise there is a reason why I put this in here! Well I got there and first of all I absolutely despise doctors offices because they take soo long to get you back and the staff are rude half the time! My appointment was at 3:20pm and I did not get into a room until 4:30pm! Well as soon as I got back there and the doctor came in, I had to get checked by ultrasound. I did not know what in the world I was looking at it seemed weird to me since the last ultra-sound I had was with Zoe in my belly. After my ultra-sound the doctor said that I have a CYST on my ovary. Immediately after I heard that my heart just SANK into the pit of my stomach! He said that it looked harmless and will probably go away on its own. But I need to go get an MRI just to make sure, and then go from there to see that if it will go away on its own or something that needs to be surgically removed. The thought of it really scares me, to the point of I almost do not want to get the MRI and get bad news! (Do not worry I am going to get it done!) I am so sick of always having some kind of problem! Why is it always me? When can I just not have to worry about my health? I am 24 I should not have these problems! I will keep you all updated as the time comes!
- On a lighter note, Zoe is mentally and physically developing soo well, to the point to where she is advanced in her developement. She is in the stage of trying to pull up and stand on her own. Trying to skip crawling all together and go straight to walking. She does not like "tummy-time" in the least bit, but loves sleeping on her stomach! Am I the only one that thinks that is weird? haha. She is on second-foods, and finger foods! Loves different textures and sounds! My baby is growing up soo fast! It seems, every-time I blink she is doing or trying something new! She really is my heart, and a prime reason for me maturing soo much! Anything and everything I do is for her and also for Mitchell, they are my first priority in life!
Mommy and Zoe having a staring contest!
(she won!)
Friday, April 22, 2011
That over-whelmed, un-appreciated feeling!
That over-whelmed, under-appreciated feeling!
Before I start off into my blog let me just tell you I do love and appreciate everything my husband does. It's just that kind of day, I guess where things are just kind-of "off" and I'm in this emotional spiral that I can't find my way out of! Well here's a list of what I do and what I get out it!
Here goes nothing...
1. I clean the house, and not your normal everyday just clean I'm talking about grimy clean- what do I get mitchell going behind me and dirtying up the house again in less then 10 minutes, no thank you or the house looks good, I almost have to fish for a compliment. Then the number one thing that really just puts my panties in a wad is that I feel like I am raising two kids, Zoe not even old enough to mess the house up yet, but I got my second kid (my husband) that acts like his hands and legs are broke and can't go simply put a dish in the sink, or throw away a soda can..I find myself going behind him and throwing away his dirty dishes and trash! I know he works alot and like I said I appreciate everything he does, but it does not take that much work to pick up after yourself! I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER! Then I get the primary excuse that he works, and because I am a stay at home mom/wife it's my job REALLY did he just say that to me? Um..it's not my job to pick up your stuff!
2. I feed and change Zoe all the time! Q it almost feels like I have to force him into feeding or change his OWN daughter! I should not have to force/bargain with you, you should WANT to do this! I DO with no complaints! I know it's not because he don't love or care for her, because he does! He just has this thought in his head that mommy is here for the hard work, and daddy is here for FUN! Oh and did I mention I also give her baths all the time, you know I couldn't even tell you the last time he gave her a bath!
3. I don't even try to cook because when I do all I get is a whole bunch of criticism about how I am not doing something right, and he ends up taking over!
This is not in anyway to bash or presume that Mitchell is a bad husband/father in anyway! He is great with Zoe and he does take care of her and I. I think that I spoiled him because I do do everything, and he's just comfortable with it now!
All I want is a little understanding and APPRECIATION!
Sometimes I just get to the point to where I just want to scream out loud, and see if anyone cares...but I know that won't matter.
I want some time to myself to where I can just relax and do absolutely NOTHING and know and not have to worry if the house is going to be a wreck, or worry that Zoe isn't on the schedule that I have her on! Yes I get to go to the grocery by myself but really that's a hassle and a stress inducer as well bobbing-and-weaving through rude people, and get home to have to lug all the groceries up the stairs by myself!
I know it's not good to keep this all bottled up inside and that I should talk to friends and family! I am just not that kind of PERSON to just spill my whole issues out onto people because I don't want to burden anyone with my problems, or things that bother me..everyone has their own lives and issues, and I never want to add to it.
I am also really tired of people assuming that since I don't have a job that all I do is watch tv all day, and eat... I DON'T contrary to popular belief being a housewife/mommy is a twenty-four/ seven job. I wouldn't trade my life for all the wealth in the world, because I love my daughter and my husband with every fiber of my being !
I just want to know that I am respected, and appreciated for what I do, and not get criticized, for what I don't do or what I don't do right! I am not perfect, and no one is!
Thanks for listening...
Sincerely yours
Over-whelmed and un-appreciated!
Before I start off into my blog let me just tell you I do love and appreciate everything my husband does. It's just that kind of day, I guess where things are just kind-of "off" and I'm in this emotional spiral that I can't find my way out of! Well here's a list of what I do and what I get out it!
Here goes nothing...
1. I clean the house, and not your normal everyday just clean I'm talking about grimy clean- what do I get mitchell going behind me and dirtying up the house again in less then 10 minutes, no thank you or the house looks good, I almost have to fish for a compliment. Then the number one thing that really just puts my panties in a wad is that I feel like I am raising two kids, Zoe not even old enough to mess the house up yet, but I got my second kid (my husband) that acts like his hands and legs are broke and can't go simply put a dish in the sink, or throw away a soda can..I find myself going behind him and throwing away his dirty dishes and trash! I know he works alot and like I said I appreciate everything he does, but it does not take that much work to pick up after yourself! I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER! Then I get the primary excuse that he works, and because I am a stay at home mom/wife it's my job REALLY did he just say that to me? Um..it's not my job to pick up your stuff!
2. I feed and change Zoe all the time! Q it almost feels like I have to force him into feeding or change his OWN daughter! I should not have to force/bargain with you, you should WANT to do this! I DO with no complaints! I know it's not because he don't love or care for her, because he does! He just has this thought in his head that mommy is here for the hard work, and daddy is here for FUN! Oh and did I mention I also give her baths all the time, you know I couldn't even tell you the last time he gave her a bath!
3. I don't even try to cook because when I do all I get is a whole bunch of criticism about how I am not doing something right, and he ends up taking over!
This is not in anyway to bash or presume that Mitchell is a bad husband/father in anyway! He is great with Zoe and he does take care of her and I. I think that I spoiled him because I do do everything, and he's just comfortable with it now!
All I want is a little understanding and APPRECIATION!
Sometimes I just get to the point to where I just want to scream out loud, and see if anyone cares...but I know that won't matter.
I want some time to myself to where I can just relax and do absolutely NOTHING and know and not have to worry if the house is going to be a wreck, or worry that Zoe isn't on the schedule that I have her on! Yes I get to go to the grocery by myself but really that's a hassle and a stress inducer as well bobbing-and-weaving through rude people, and get home to have to lug all the groceries up the stairs by myself!
I know it's not good to keep this all bottled up inside and that I should talk to friends and family! I am just not that kind of PERSON to just spill my whole issues out onto people because I don't want to burden anyone with my problems, or things that bother me..everyone has their own lives and issues, and I never want to add to it.
I am also really tired of people assuming that since I don't have a job that all I do is watch tv all day, and eat... I DON'T contrary to popular belief being a housewife/mommy is a twenty-four/ seven job. I wouldn't trade my life for all the wealth in the world, because I love my daughter and my husband with every fiber of my being !
I just want to know that I am respected, and appreciated for what I do, and not get criticized, for what I don't do or what I don't do right! I am not perfect, and no one is!
Thanks for listening...
Sincerely yours
Over-whelmed and un-appreciated!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
My daughter is STRONG..
Well I know that I spoke about my daughter Zoe's heart defect. It has really been affecting me, although I try not to show it. It's not the fact that she has a defect, that bothers me as much. Its the fact of the matter that Its the questions that bother me and also the main reason being that her pediatric cardiologist appointment is May 15th which feels like it is light years away! I want to know that this is a "hurdle" that she will get over and that her heart murmur is "innocent" and will go away on its own, as her peditrician was so optimistic about!
Today I realized something though "Zoe is such a strong girl" She is always so, happy and getting bigger everyday, when she went to the doctor she is 19 pounds, is sitting up on her own, and learning new things everyday like realizing what things are, and what kinds of noises they make, that you would never know she even had a "abonormality" She honestly astounds me everyday, and makes me the proudest mother everyday! I have now realized she will get over this! Her doctor told me that he is really optimistic that it will go away on its own, because she is doing so wonderful in her growth and developement. Which comforts me a great deal! She is like her father because when he was a baby, about or around her age he also was diagnosed with an "innocent" heart murmur and he grew out of his, and she is so much like her daddy, that it helps me feel better as well. I Just want her to be happy, and grow, and prosper into the wonderful person I know and will be. No mother wants to be told of anything that could be/is wrong with their child. When I was told that she had her abnormality, it honestly felt as if my heart had been ripped out and stomped on! But I know that my Zoe is strong, and will get through this, I have all the faith in the world that she will!
That is the update on her status!
Today was a good day spent with family! Went to Mitchell's parents and ate lunch, and just hung out and Zoe spent some time with her grandparents. She is so lucky to have grandparents, as I grew up my grandparents passed when I was a child. I never had the luxury, of seeing my grandparents. I am greatful and blessed that she has both of hers! Also sometime this week Mitchell, Zoe, and I are going to go to San Marcos, to the outlet malls. I think it will be a great 'FAMILY TIME" for all of us. It will be Zoe's first "real" outting and I can not wait!
Sometimes I think that people get bored of reading my blog, because all I seem to talk about is my daughter and my husband! But truth be told I could really care less, because my daughter, and husband are a major part of my life, and my life and world revolves around them both! I want us to be a close family, as when I was growing up I never had a close "family". I have a mother that I hold close to my heart and I am VERY VERY close too, but I never had a true family dynamic, so this is what I strive for and if you can't seem to understand this, then do not read my blog. I mean really you are not breaking my heart in the least! Its honestly soothing to get things out, even if it is written on the web. For all the people thathave been (ARE) there for me I thank you all very much! It really does mean an awful lot to me!
Well that is it for tonight folks... I WILL BE BACK!
Today I realized something though "Zoe is such a strong girl" She is always so, happy and getting bigger everyday, when she went to the doctor she is 19 pounds, is sitting up on her own, and learning new things everyday like realizing what things are, and what kinds of noises they make, that you would never know she even had a "abonormality" She honestly astounds me everyday, and makes me the proudest mother everyday! I have now realized she will get over this! Her doctor told me that he is really optimistic that it will go away on its own, because she is doing so wonderful in her growth and developement. Which comforts me a great deal! She is like her father because when he was a baby, about or around her age he also was diagnosed with an "innocent" heart murmur and he grew out of his, and she is so much like her daddy, that it helps me feel better as well. I Just want her to be happy, and grow, and prosper into the wonderful person I know and will be. No mother wants to be told of anything that could be/is wrong with their child. When I was told that she had her abnormality, it honestly felt as if my heart had been ripped out and stomped on! But I know that my Zoe is strong, and will get through this, I have all the faith in the world that she will!
That is the update on her status!
Today was a good day spent with family! Went to Mitchell's parents and ate lunch, and just hung out and Zoe spent some time with her grandparents. She is so lucky to have grandparents, as I grew up my grandparents passed when I was a child. I never had the luxury, of seeing my grandparents. I am greatful and blessed that she has both of hers! Also sometime this week Mitchell, Zoe, and I are going to go to San Marcos, to the outlet malls. I think it will be a great 'FAMILY TIME" for all of us. It will be Zoe's first "real" outting and I can not wait!
Sometimes I think that people get bored of reading my blog, because all I seem to talk about is my daughter and my husband! But truth be told I could really care less, because my daughter, and husband are a major part of my life, and my life and world revolves around them both! I want us to be a close family, as when I was growing up I never had a close "family". I have a mother that I hold close to my heart and I am VERY VERY close too, but I never had a true family dynamic, so this is what I strive for and if you can't seem to understand this, then do not read my blog. I mean really you are not breaking my heart in the least! Its honestly soothing to get things out, even if it is written on the web. For all the people that
Well that is it for tonight folks... I WILL BE BACK!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Just want to make sure my baby is ok!
Today has been a LONG day it all started out with Zoe's doctors appointment, at 10am it started out like any normal time I would take her to the doctor. She got checked out by the nurse and she is doing absolutely GREAT she is doing very good in her weight, and her height, and she is in the top percentile in her development! Then her Peditrician came in and checked her out listened to her heart, lungs, ears, eyes, mouth, nose all the normal things and he said she is doing wonderful, and I was feeling great. Then he was like BUT, you know I really hate that word BUT it's always a term that people make others feel good then go completely down to horrible feeling. Anyways he was like BUT I "heard vibrations in her heart that makes me believe that she has a heart murmur! After I heard this I felt a knot in my throat and the tears start to well up in my eyes, but I didn't want to bust out crying in the doctors office but inside I was dying! He said that it's not one that he was concerned about that it was an "innocent" heart murmur, and that chances are that it is going to heal as she gets older. As he was speaking I could hear what he was saying but the thoughts were racing through my mind. "why?" "what did I do wrong?" "could I have done to prevent this?" then the questions quickly turned into blaming myself, even though he said it was "innocent" no mother wants to hear that their baby has any kind of defect! In the middle of all this I was listening to him and he said to make sure I want to refer you to a pediatric cardiologist. Then he said he would send a referral, and at this point. I wanted to get out of there, I just wanted to cry!
I have had the doctor and Mitchell tell me "don't worry about it she will be fine!" it helped, it really did but I can't seem to get it out of my head! So the doctor called and told me which doc to call and I quickly called and made her the first appointment! The first available one was may 15th.. How was I supposed to wait that long? I am trying to be stronger and not break down, and know that everything is going to be ok! But I don't...I just want my baby to be ok! I just hope that when we do go, that she will be ok! I just don't know what I will do if there was anything wrong with her! She's very special to me! I love her so much! I am going to pray to god that it heals its self and that my babygirl don't have to go through anything because she doesn't deserve it! She's done soo much to change me for the better and each day that I wake up to her smiling face makes my days just that much brighter!
I haven't told alot of people but I just wanted to get this out it's been on my mind all day long! And I cannot seem to get it to go away! So please pray and hope that it is something that is going to last and that it's what the doctor said and it's "innocent" and will go away on it's own! Please! I'll be doing the same thing!
I have had the doctor and Mitchell tell me "don't worry about it she will be fine!" it helped, it really did but I can't seem to get it out of my head! So the doctor called and told me which doc to call and I quickly called and made her the first appointment! The first available one was may 15th.. How was I supposed to wait that long? I am trying to be stronger and not break down, and know that everything is going to be ok! But I don't...I just want my baby to be ok! I just hope that when we do go, that she will be ok! I just don't know what I will do if there was anything wrong with her! She's very special to me! I love her so much! I am going to pray to god that it heals its self and that my babygirl don't have to go through anything because she doesn't deserve it! She's done soo much to change me for the better and each day that I wake up to her smiling face makes my days just that much brighter!
I haven't told alot of people but I just wanted to get this out it's been on my mind all day long! And I cannot seem to get it to go away! So please pray and hope that it is something that is going to last and that it's what the doctor said and it's "innocent" and will go away on it's own! Please! I'll be doing the same thing!
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