So very exhausted...

Today has been a very exhausting day to say the least! Woke up very early! and it is almost 12am and I still can not go to sleep! Zoe has been extremely fussy, and fighting her sleep for the past three days! My baby is cutting her FIRST tooth! I am so excited that she is getting her first tooth, but also very ready for it to come on in! I hate to see my pretty princess in PAIN! Other then that, its the daily ritual of washing bottles, changing diapers, feeding bottles and solids, housework, laundry, and going to get Mitchell and I food. Yes we eat out all the time but personally if I don't want to eat my own food I am not going to force Mitchell to eat it too! lol (yes I am that bad of a COOK!) I have burnt toast, if that tells you how bad of a cook I am.  Anyways so the week is going to be longer because although I don't have much to do tomorrow, I have to go get the oil changed in the car on Friday! I am sick of seeing OIL MAINTENANCE REQUIRED on my display! and it beeps every time I get in and out of the car! Very ANNOYING! Also have to go get Zoe some more diapers, she goes through them like they are made of paper towels! Then mine and Mitchell's one year wedding anniversary is Saturday and my moms side of the family is having a early Easter. Have to go to that first then drop Miss Zoe off at her grandparents house and she is staying the night with them, then Mitchell will be celebrating our wedding anniversary! :) I am so very excited!

Well that's IT for the night time to sit back and relax and watch some tv! GOOD NIGHT blog world!

BIG SMILE FOR MOMMY!

Today was great!

Today was a good DAY! Didn't o anything special, just spent the day with Mitchell (my wonderful husband) and Miss Zoe! Although Zoe had been fussy today, I still had a good day. Today was the day that I realized why Mitchell and I are so perfect for each other. Although we do have our "husband & wife" fights we quickly get over them. I know I seem to talk about Mitchell and Zoe a lot, but they are a MAJOR part of my life. These are the reasons why I talk about them both so much.

• They both made me so much stronger
• They have made me more mature
• They have made me love unconditionally
• They have made me more patient
• They have taken me out of my defensive shell

I have the "life" I always wanted! I have a family that has changed me for the greater good. Mitchell has been my rock through everything! From the very instant that I met him I knew that we were destined to be TOGETHER, that god brought him into my life to help me through all the trials through out my life and to help me be a better person! As I have said as of Saturday April 2, 2011 we will be married for one year, and that will be one of many more to come. I am HAPPY.. It took me a while to get there only because of my severe depression issues, but when I am around my husband and my baby girl, all that seems to fade away!

My Zoe is going to be six months old in about two-weeks. She just keeps growing up! I remember when I had her and I was in recovery after my c-section with her Mitchell brought her in to me. I held her for the first time and just looked at her in such amazement, from then I vowed that anything and everything I did was for her and Mitchell's benefit!

Well that's all I got for the night! Thanks for reading, and I will be BACK!!

Zoe Ann Marie

3/29/2011 Bath time! 

Love this gorgeous face! :)

Depression equals no GOOD...

Well it's been a while since I've wrote I have been away. I recently went to visit my mother because I have been extremely stressed and it's not the " Oh I am a house-wife, mother" so that is the reason why I am so stressed. Well to give you all the "down-low" I have struggled with depression pretty much all my life. It turns my world up side down, to say at the very least. It does not affect my parenting capabilities, or anything towards Zoe in any sort of negative way. It affects my everyday life, I really should get back on my medication. I have to go to the doctor, since I haven't been on my medicine since I got pregnant. A lot of people thinks "oh I am constantly sad" so I must be depressed! Its more then that. Heres an insight into my depression.

• Sometimes I feel like I am not good enough for the life that I have.
• Sometimes i just don't want to get out of the bed.
• My mind always races. The thoughts that race through my mind never tend to go away, and I feel like I am a CRAZY person.
• I always feel as if what I do is not good enough, and that I could do more.

Those are just SOME of what I go through everyday. Its not so cut and dry. Its hard, and it bothers me I try so hard to be happy it just seems like my mind and body don't want me to be. I feel as if it affects others amongst me, and that I bring them down. It's not an easy thing to go through by yourself but I have an absolute hard time reaching out and expressing what I feel for fear that someone will get to close, and eventually I just get hurt in the end. The only person, I was close to since I was born was my mother. Now that i have a family of my own I want to be strong and happy. I don't want to have issues of letting someone get too close to me. I have a list of wants, and truth is you can "want" all you would like. Sometimes you don't get what you "want". You get what you work for and earn. I feel lucky! I do have a wonderful husband, and an absolutely gorgeous 5 1/2 month old daughter. Wouldn't trade either of them for the world, but I need to learn to open up and to not let things bother me soo much. But how do you do this? When you have struggled with it for a majority of your life span! I am going to MAKE CHANGES! Go another route, and try and get away from the "OLD" me.

I need to LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE...

Other then that my trip to see my mother was all in all a good one. Got to see my mother and hang out with her and just "talk" and to let her see and love on Miss Zoe,  also got to see some friends! Got to have dinner with Miss Morgan, and it was awesome to just get out and talk to her since she knows what I am going through. We also seem to have similar values and morals, and I know she'd been wanting to see zoe so had to bring my gorgeous princess! I had a great time Morgan, and like I said we will be definitely be having lunch/dinner again! Also had lunch with Candis, she's also a very good friend and it was great as well my mother babysat Zoe while I went with her although I missed my princess, it was relaxing and got to talk about what was going on in our worlds! Mostly "MOMMY" talk haha. 

THATS IT FOR TONIGHT FOLKS GOOD-NIGHT!

PS... I turn twenty-four tomorrow. Wow I feel like I am getting OLD!

I get to see my mommy tomorrow!

I am soo excited I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight! I get to see my MOMMY tomorrow! Me and my mother are so very close and truth be told its very hard to be so far away from her.. She has been with me through everything and she has never been away from me for my birthday so I am packing mine and Zoe's bags and we are headed up there for her to see grandma and for me to see my mom for an early birthday! Going to see her is my birthday gift i couldn't ask for anything more.

For those who know me know my story about why my mother and I are so close and for those who don't here's a short version!

1. She raised me and my older brother growing up because my father was never around (he was a driver)
2. She has always respected my decisions no matter what impact they have made.
3. I can always talk to her, without thinking that she will get upset with me or judge me in anyway..
4. She knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and to smile.
5. She is such an inspiration to me in so many ways..(for those of you who don't know my mother is deaf) and she has been through some hard times and she is much stronger from it! 

Those are some of the reasons why me and my mother are so close. Truth be told the list could go on and on! Also I get to go see some of my friends! I am really excited about that, although I do love being around Mitchell and taking care of my Zoe I just don't talk to anyone anymore and I want to be around someone to talk to! I am pretty lonely around here since Mitchell does shift work 12 hour shifts days and nights. I get pretty stressed when all I do is housework, cook, take care of the baby, go to the grocery store, and pay bills. I take it all in stride though and I am going to take advantage of going to my mothers to have someone to talk to and see some good friends!

• Morgan we are definitely going to have to get some lunch/dinner just so you know, so I can meet Mr. Mason and you can meet Miss Zoe FINALLY ha ha!
• Natalie I am going to come and visit you as well so you can see Zoe, and we can catch up!
• Also Candis I want to see you too!
• And all my other friends, that have kept in touch since I have moved, had a baby, and got married, and don't act as if I got the plague!

So there fore I am so excited! This is going to be a good trip! I just know it! I love my friends and family! :)

Just another Tuesday!

Today is going to be one of those "off" days, not knowing why, I just assume that it will be!

• Woke up today, continuing my same routine that goes through out the day! Woke up to Zoe just talking up a storm. Got up got a bottle ready, as well as a diaper and her wipes. Changed Zoe's diaper and fed her a 10 ounce bottle! My baby is a good eater, as I've been told...Found out something new last night that little miss Zoe loves, when I am getting her ready for a bath she loves her bare belly blowed on. She loves it, makes her giggle and laugh so loud! 
• This morning after I put Zoe down for a nap, I gave her, her paci (she loves her paci) looked over at her and she took her paci out as she always does! Was looking at it, and was continuously trying to put it back in her mouth. She got CLOSE...Then put it in sideways and started sucking on it! She makes me laugh! haha
• Today is my follow up appointment, for my jaw and let me tell you I am not looking foward to going to the dentist. I absolutely hate well hate is a harsh word I extremely DISLIKE doctors. It should be fine, since all they are going to do is take more x-rays and check and make sure my jaw in aligned, but its just the thought of going to the doctor. I have no clue as to why it happens but my stomach always goes into knots, when I walk into the doors to any doctors office. I need to get it done though, ready to get it over with!
• I have no clue why but I have been very moody lately! Anything and EVERYTHING just irritates me to no end! Even just the minor things, just aggravate me and truth be told I just don't know why? Zoe isn't one of those people/things that irritate me...Shes what calms my nerves in a matter of speaking. I wont go into full detail on what what bothers me, because it is quite the long list, just figured I would share.
• Why does it seem as if everytime I clean my house that five seconds later, it looks like a tornando just hit it? Am I the only person with this issue? Does anyone experience this? Maybe it's because of having a baby, or maybe its because of my HUSBAND, going behind me and messing things up again haha. 
• Today is a pretty day, although a little windy its actually quite nice. I can't wait until I can take Zoe to the park and enjoy the day with-out being cooped up in this house. Call it lazy but it takes alot of effort to get a baby out of the house IM NOT COMPLAINING! This is the reason why my stroller stays in the car, so I don't have an extra piece of equipment to lug down the stairs. 
• Next week I am going to up Zoe on her solids, to twice a day the first solid with juice and not formula. She is starting to eat a lot more. We are going to start putting her in the bouncer to entertain her self as well, though she hates it I think once I keep putting her into it she will come around. When Zoe turns six months old I will begin to teach her how to hold her own bottle, so she can stay on track. Also I think she will be sitting up on her own SOON! She is already trying so hard, with out success but she keeps trying so I look for her to be sitting up and pulling up within the month. I will keep you all updated! Also I will be trying to transition her to her crib, she doesn't really like it because the mattress is hard, I just don't want her to get used to the playpen (that's where she sleeps as of now) but if she does not take well to the crib, ill continue on placing her into the playpen.

That is all for today folks! 

Just hanging out!

Don't mind my mess on the table! :)

Another Day: A day of thoughts...

I have alot on my mind today it seems, so in order to get it all out I thought I would share!

1. I want to thank miss Morgan for being such a doll and fixing up my blog for me! She took time out of her day and she made it special for me. So this is my personal "Thank You" Morgan! :) You are a wonderful friend and I am glad we got back in touch since High School! 
2. I am so not looking forward to my birthday which is next Monday, exactly one week from today. Its just a constant reminder that I am that one step towards getting older! On a lighter note, the older I get the more I see my life changing and see myself maturing everyday, so that's got to be a good thing right?
3. I cannot wait until my little Zoe will be SIX MONTHS OLD! Which that'll be on April 12th. I just cant wait until she reaches her milestones. She is one of my meanings in life and why I have changed so much. I would most definitely not know what I would do without her in my life! For those who have loved and lost or never experienced having a precious child, I am deeply saddened and deeply touched... I have read many stories about people losing their innocent babies at such a young age due to no fault of their own, and makes me so sad. They don't deserve it in the least bit. Its changed me, I have learned to be not so selfish, and petty and not to take anything in life for granted, especially my beautiful Zoe. It's inspired me to be the BEST mom that I CAN BE! I cherish every moment with my princess, hold her tight, and give her all the kisses she can handle! :) I also pray for her, and for all the others who have loved and lost. I have never been the person to pray per say or to look to god, but now I am trying to get into it and live my life the right way.
4. I never realized how hard it would be to live an hour and fifteen minutes away from my parents, although I am extremely independent, my mother means ALOT to me! She has raised me, through the trials and tribulations of her own life, to be the person that I am today! I will always appreciate her for the wonderful mother she has and always will be!
5. I think I have the baby blues, or something around that nature. I have a beautiful five month old. I feel as if everyone around me is having more babies, or having their first. I want to have more kids, but as of right now its just too SOON! Mitchell and I have talked about more kids and decided to wait until Zoe is at least over one year old.  I now realized I was destined to be a mother, I just was not very happy with my old life working all the time and doing the immature things that I have. 
6. I really hate that I have anxiety issues... It makes my life that much harder. I worry about ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING! Is this normal? I know that I worry, but I do not want to be one of those VERY over-protective mothers! That don't/won't even let their child play in the dirt due to germs! I am already addicted to germ-x... What next???
7. Mitchell and I's one year wedding anniversary is approaching very fast! Its in two-weeks, it's hard to believe that it's only been a year, it feels like its been a lifetime with him. Not saying this in a bad way! I know that he is my soul-mate, and love him with every fiber of my being! Time just seems to fly by. I am looking foward to April 2nd, 2011 ( Our wedding anniversary) to being with him and actually getting to go somewhere TOGETHER! I am NOT looking foward to being with-out my Zoe for a night though! It'll be my first night with-out her I just hope I don't have n anxiety attack, or a nervous break-down! Not to say I don't trust her grandparents, it's like I said I've never been a night without her! I think I have separation anxiety?! I'm sure we will see though, wish me LUCK!
8. I really need to find a HOBBY! Although blogging works and keeps me semi-sane, I feel as if I need a concrete hobby. For example : jewelery making, crafts, fabrics, making candles. A few to name, I just don't seem to have the time to really have time to myself and do this (NOT COMPLAINING) I am just always busy with Zoe, house-work, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, or whatever else comes up! 
9. Ive been having these weird dreams lately! i often wonder if dreams are a meaning of whats to come? That is what I have been told. If so then wow, I really hope not! 
10. I have such great friends and family. I would give them the shirt off my back! Then you have the occasional, someone that PRETENDS to be your "friend" then talks about you behind your back. I have no time or patience for that. I would rather have "A couple or non-good friends, versus fifty crappy friends"! Also I decided that I am going to be getting my 14th tattoo not to sure when? But I do know what of, I know everyone has their child's name or at the very least wants to get a tattoo of their child's name or something of that nature. I am going to change mine up though. Not concrete ideas, but some that are unique in the way it isn't repetative in other name tattos!

Well these are my thoughts of today, I know kind of random. Although blogging about it gives me a release. Makes people see a little bit more into me and why I am the way I am. So I always seem to leave you all with a picture I will leave you with another one! Can't break tradition now...

She makes me smile...

"Never take for granted the precious life you been blessed with"

Today has been a day of questioning as I look down onto my beautiful princess Zoe, smiling as she looks and gazes right into my eyes and laughs with her innocent laugh! Bear with me, as this will seem like it's all over the place.

I have only been on the blogspot for a little over a month. It is my voice, to my strength, weakness, love, and life it's self in its most intimate stage. I've read some of the most devastating tragedies on here, and stories about loss. Though I've never been through this loss, and hope that I never forsee this as well. I wanted to take a time out and express, my opinions, thoughts, and questions.

Everyday everyone is either finding out they are pregnant, or giving birth. The true meaning of life evolves through your children. So why do some of the most innocent, have to experience this loss, through no fault of their own? I am not saying that I have been the best friend, or person in the past. Although I have learned through my faults, and grew stronger from them. My daughter has made me to try and be the best person, to be for me and as well for her. Though I don't take any day or moment that I get to spend with Zoe for granted, I feel as though some people do. I'm not trying to make anyone out to be a bad mother, to make myself seem as "Mother Teresa" though some people I feel as if they should not be bless with such a wonderful gift, as to bring a innocent child into the world. I am not a judgemental person by any means, some people just make me wonder. To take care of an child from birth is a 24/7 job, and not by any means just a part-time mother, or a means to show that you can procreate. I know this is going to get a little controversial, I have to speak my mind though. Why do the people that take care of their child to the fullest extent, and love their child unconditionally have to sometimes suffer the loss of their innocent baby? When there are mothers out there that only want the child as, a tax write off, or just to simply have their baby as an "accessory" A real mother takes care of the child, on a day to day bases and not just simply when they want to. A real mother lives, and breaths for their child, making sure no harm to come to them. A real mother stays up with the baby when he/she cant sleep, wakes up at those 3am feedings, without complaint, and loves and holds their baby/child through illnesses, and lets them know they are safe when they are around you. As I said I am not being jusgemental of anyone and their situation, there are things that arise that you cannot control i.e: working, child-care, non-planned pregnancy, to name a few. I am sure you get what I am getting around to, but it's just an observation. Never take anyday with your baby/child for granted and learn from past experiences and someones life stories, and love your child unconditionally, and not complain about other issues in your life that are so "little" I have those moments to where I do complain. I for one second do not take any moment of my life for granted though, and know that with things that you have experienced in the past "Only makes you stronger in the end".

God has a plan for everyone that is born, may it be to touch people, even if it is for a short while, or to make you as the parent or guardian, or just a stranger a better person in the end. Every life has a meaning no matter how long they stay!

Now that I have went on my rant, its time to think, think about all the ones that have issues with fertility, that can-not have children of their own, someone that has lost a child, and/or experienced some type of strife. As you think of this don't all your problems seem like such a minor issue? Like I said this is all over the place, but I've been thinking about this for some weeks, and I had to let it all spill out on to this blog. For anyone and everyone that is around/amongst children, or have their own, please take that extra time to spend, with your little one, love, hold and kiss your baby/child. For your baby/child is what the future will be!

I leave you with this LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE! The three words that I live by!

Zoe Ann Marie Simmons

10-12-10

She is what I live and breath for!

Well look whos back!

Im back, after being down and out of commission for the last couple days, I will get to that in just a bit! My gorgeous baby Zoe is 5 months old! I can't even fathom how time has just flown by and how much she has grown! She is becoming more and more active, now she is trying to pull herself up! With little success, but I see her sitting up by herself VERY SOON! She just amazes me everyday! I couldn't have been blessed anymore then what I have.. I have my husband Mitchell who is very hard working, loving, a wonderful husband, all in all the love of my life! :) Then I have my miss Zoe that just melts my heart away! Shes growing up so very much and she will be 6 months old on April 12th I can't wait I always love to take pictures of her every-time she reaches another month! I thank god everyday for the amazing gift he has given me!

HERE IS ZOE'S 5 MONTH PICTURE!

HER SMILE TAKES MY BREATH AWAY! 

Its been a while since I've been on here to unload all the things that have happened and there was some ups and some downs! The the event that I am so very excited for is Mitchell and I have our first year wedding anniversary on April 2nd, 2011. I am excited and kind of nervous I am so glad I get to spend some quality time with my husband, but its a little bitter-sweet since my baby girl will be going to her nana's to spend the night. Need I remind you all I have never been a night with-out my sweet baby girl so I am going to probably going to cry by the end of the night! We will see Ill update as the time comes! 

I was experiencing some slight jaw pain before I was going to sleep Thursday night, then it progressed into a migraine, then worse jaw pain. It persisted till the next morning and I was in so much pain all I could do was cry! I explained to Mitchell I shouldn't be experiencing this pain and he told me to call a dentist my exact word were "Why a dentist? My teeth don't hurt"! Not thinking duh! This is the best solution. I called the dentist and I was able to get in ASAP! Waiting for the doctor after they took an x-ray. My dentist told me "well you have a portion of your jaw to where there is a gap to where you have absolutely no JAW BONE"! I was baffled how could I not have a JAW BONE? Then she explained it to me and then it all seemed to make since at that point in time she referred me to an oral surgeon, It was a Friday and they were closed I was told so I got some antibiotics and pain medication to last me until I went to the doctor. Called the surgeon on Monday and low and behold they weren't open in my area Monday's or Friday's, I made the first available appointment for Tuesday which was 2:45pm, then I got a call from the receptionist that said I could come in for my consultation and then have my surgery after this! I took it, although I was with out a doubt scared, I had to get it done! Well to spare you all the gruesome details of my surgery. I am glad to say its my fourth day out of surgery and I am doing very well not feeling bad. Although the first couple days were miserable, but it was so much easier since I have the great husband that I do that took care of Zoe and me! I love him so very much!

Mitchell and Tina

"FOREVER OUR LOVE WILL LAST"

Changes

So today as I was doing all my daily mommy/wife duties, I was thinking WOW how my life has changed so much and it really is all for the better. So I figured I would give you all insight into how I really HAVE changed.
   Well we will go back to when I was in high school (yea those years!) Now high school I wish I could say where my best years but honestly it was kind of rough, to say at the VERY least! I was a not so very nice person/friend. I wish sometimes I could go back to that because I feel as if I did, things would have turned out differently with some of my friends. Well I was one of those people, I never really knew where I fit into be exact, I found myself with various friends of different back grounds. I was shy till I got to know you, and people somewhat interpret that into I was a b**** for lack of a better word. I was and still am a very observative person, basing my interpretation of a person off their body motion. Meanwhile being a spontaneous, crazy, my way or the high-way type of person. Which I think drew people away, im not sure where this all came from but then I turned from being a pretty good friend into a HORRIBLE friend. I went into lying, back-stabbing, talking about people behind  their backs (yea I was one of THOSE friends!) Im not to sure where it all came from, and it took me till I got with my husband and found out that I was pregnant to figure this out! I am assuming this is one of lifes lessons but I often wonder why did it take me so long for me to change? Then thinking back to it all I've broken alot, or ruined a lot of my friendships from that point on. Who do I have to blame? no one but MYSELF.
   So now that you knew how I was with my friends, family is not so much different, lying was an issue, not listening, you know what pretty much every teen does to their family! I was the PROBLEM child. That's it from there.
   So now that I am sitting here blogging and letting people into my life as of NOW, when i'm married and have a five month old daughter. I say I have changed and I dont have to prove it to no one! I know that I have I just have to get this off my chest is why im blogging about this to give people insight in who I was in the past and who I am NOW! It's all for my daughter and husband. Let me list the ways in that I have changed into a person that someone can trust and respect. (hopefully it's not too late, for some of those who I have hurt in the past)

Changes in my life include:

1. Being respectful to people and their decisions that they make.
2. Being completely honest, with each and everyone.
3. Being mature, and level-headed.
4. Not so stubborn.
5. Not to be judgemental, of a person or their situation
6. Have better judgement, and not getting into other peoples business.
7. Not getting sucked into drama
8. Staying away from the bad influences to me, or to my daughter.
9. Letting people in, and not pushing people away.
10. admitting my faults.

I have changed so much and there are two people I can thank for that and that would be my husband and my daughter, she makes me a better person each and everyday. I want her to grow up and to be a good person/friend and to not make the same mistakes as I have. My husband has done so much for me, and loved me for who I am and never tried to change me! He is great and this is why I love him very MUCH!



Now for my apology: I have to make amends to let all the people out there that I have either hurt, or taken advantage of, or lied to, or did any kind of wrong doing towards I am truly very sorry, and I never meant to be that PERSON! I will never go down that path again, and I will not blame you if you do not accept my apologies since it is long over-due. I can only hope you see this as a path to an CHANGED person! I love you all and hope that I can get back some of those relationships I have either ruined, or broken! This is my APOLOGY!

My reason for being a better person in life is this little girl she means the world to me

all I want is for her to be proud of her mama!

My Baby!

Her hand at two weeks old.

Sleeping princess

Valentines Baby

Mommy and Zoe

Daddy and Zoe

A day in a life

For those of you who feel compelled to think ok "your a stay at home wife/mommy she sits and watches soap operas all day long" the answer would be NO! Until I fully explain a day in the life of what I ACTUALLY DO then you will see differently!

    We will start with number one! No matter how old your child is you NEVER get a full 8 hours of sleep! So I always begin my morning around 3-5am, depending on if Zoe will let me get extra sleep or not. I roll out of the bed stumbling into the kitchen, and go get her a bottle and make her 6 ounces of formula. Then after forcing to make myself to stay awake through her bottle, she gets burped, then a change of diaper to avoid a mess in the next couple hours! Then wake up around 8-9am then have to get her another bottle this time 8 ounces, same thing again burp, and change her diaper! You would think ok baby is fed, changed and happy and content now she can watch tv! Again you would be WRONG! Now it is time to set the meat out to thaw for enough time for me to cook, and to have food ready for my husband when he gets off (take note that my husband does shift work and works 12 hour shifts). Then within the time frame of 2-3 hours that I do have to spare, before I have to feed Zoe again, I begin to clean the house up, not in a sping cleaning kind of way but to where it is presentable! After this, I have just enough time to wash mine and my husbands clothes and put them into the dryer and put Zoes clothes in the washer ( so I am doing 3 seperate loads of clothes. Mine and my husbands, whites, then the babys clothes).  Hold off folding the enormous mountain of clothes to feed, burp and change Zoes diaper again. NOW I can resume to fold and hang up clothes, after this its time for "tummy-time" for at the very least ten minutes.

   Well after "Tummy-time" is over I put Zoe down for a nap (if your child is like mine, you will get a 10 minute power nap at the MAX!) That gives me just enough time to get the dishes washed. Take another time out to have "play-time" with Zoe. We will do this for about 20-30 minutes, then put her down so I can wash the 15 bottles that I have for her! (My baby is a healthy eater as I've been told!) Which would explain why I have so MANY bottles. Ok well now that I went off topic here, now after the bottles are washed, and put away. As you all can guess it is feeding time, but this time it is to feed her solids. After she has eaten her solids it is either juice/formula depending on the day, burp, and change diaper. Now it is time again for NAP time, although most the time I put on food network and she will watch that so I can get the cooking done, since my daughter takes like one nap a day that lasts 10 minutes, as I've already explained. I cook dinner get it ready, then my husband comes home from work (need I remind you this is what I do when he works his day shift from 5:30am-5:30pm) the night time shift works a little bit differently I do all the same things just in a different order. Well back to the topic at hand, you would think "ok her husband is home now time to relax!) AGAIN you would be wrong. Although it is easier I still have things to do but at least my husband can entertain and take care of Zoe while I clean up the kitchen after dinner.

   Now I can take a SEMI shower/Bath, for those of you who does not know what that is let me explain: Its /enough time to make sure your cleaned and have your teeth brushed, within a 10 minute time frame. After I get done doing this my husband goes to sleep fairly early around 7-8pm. Now time for Zoes bath and get her ready for bed. At LAST I feed, burp and change her diaper, for the last time and she goes down for bed, until I get woken up again and do the same thing ALL OVER again! So thats is a day in the life of what I do each and everyday! Not as easy as you thought huh? I don't complain though because through the midst of it all I love my daughter and husband and love taking care of my daughter, and seeing her everyday a lot of people do not get the pleasure of doing this with their kids. My husband works very hard to take care of me, and our daughter so this is the LEAST I could do! I would do it all over again too! :)

And now I leave you all with a picture of my gorgeous daughter that makes me smile everyday for you to see why I love  staying home with her being a stay at home mommy and wife! ENJOY!!

Past- Present

Past

                                                    When she was born she was so teeny

Zoe Ann Marie Simmons 

                                                                       

Present

Almost five months old now!

Absolutely gorgeous...

Mama

   It amazes me everyday how much Zoe is growing up! Just last week she spoke her "first" word! She said "Muh-ma" The night before she said it officially I was doing the nightly mommy duties and was changing her diaper. I heard her babbling and briefly heard her say it before, I thought she said it at that time. Then thought oh no shes just babbling. I told Mitchell I think she said "mama" he was like no she was just babbling because she said in a way that it wasn't understandable! So I thought nothing of it, next morning I had to go to the grocery store.  We were low on food, got all the things that I needed, checked out and headed home. As I was lugging all the groceries in while Mitchell was watching Zoe he told me  "I have something to show you!" Not thinking anything of it because he always takes videos of her doing things. Watched it and she said mmm mah-ma! I instantly cried because I was so happy that my baby said her "first word". Then I was a little sad that I missed it, the one day that I was not around her all day and she says it! Then started cooking after putting her down for "tummy-time", she was soo excited she kept saying mah-ma, like 10 times in an hour! It was so adorable!
   I want to take the time to talk about Mitchell ( my husband) for a little bit. When we met which was almost two years ago, it was through my aunt. We went to the same event together, and not even knowing that  is when he saw me, because it was my cousins wedding and I went with my family and he came by himself, he was a family friend! I never saw him at all, then my aunt contacted me and told me "there is a guy that likes you and would like to talk to you" At that point I had alot going on in my life so I held off. One day I had an event to be at my co-worker was getting married, so we had a dinner for her. I kept thinking to myself "well you have had time to your self, so it will be fine to talk to a male at this point in time". Anyways fast-foward I ended up calling him after getting his number from my aunt. We talked from about 10pm till 5am, about likes and dislikes and just general things. Well things progressed from there and I moved all the way from Bryan/College Station, Texas to Bastrop. It was wonderful we never really fought and the fights we had subsided after all of maybe 10 minutes. I love him dearly he's always been there for me when I needed it most, and loved me through my faults. He asked me to marry him and I said "yes" of course. It was wonderful I never met a man like him, he is young (as am I, we are about a month or two apart in age) but very stable, and smart! Works efficiently and works hard. He has worked at his job at the time for almost 5 years then got another job, and has been there for almost a year and half. I always enjoy his company and can't wait till he gets home, (he works 12 hour shifts). Well we were planning our wedding when I found out that I was pregnant in february, so we had to move up the date to April 2, 2010 since I was due in October when we were planning on getting married. I did not want to be a duck walking bride haha. Now that we have our daughter he is such a wonderful man, he works and comes home and helps me with Zoe, so that I can have some "me" time. He's a wonderful provider, father figure, and husband. I thank god that I was blessed with him entering into my life and giving me the most wonderful gift i've been given, which is my daughter. I know this kind of seems all over the place, but I had to talk about my baby's first word and my awesome husband all in the same blog.
  

Questions?

Today has been one of those days that i've questioned every aspect of my life! I hate it when I do this. Ive always been the type of person that have been stereotyped I should say, I often wondered how I could have prevented that? Ive made mistakes in the past that ive questioned myself constantly about how i could have thought it out and how could I have done it differently? Would it have made the out-come a little different? Ugh...I hate questioning myself, makes me feel vulnerable for people to have an insight into my life and realize not everything has been all peachy as its been masked to be! What purpose do I serve? I feel as if I haven't really accomplished as much as I believe that I could have. I know I am smart, just not in a book-smart kind of way. Why cant people see that? Why do people have to hold grudges for so long? Only to find out life is way to short to be mad at someone. How many people have I hurt, when I have done something out of stupidity? Don't get me wrong I love my husband and my daughter with every breath I take, I just wonder if I take life and people that are in my life for granted? How can I change this? How can I change all the terrible things that have happened to me in the past to where I don't have to be reminded everyday of my life? Am I really a terrible person? Will I be a good mother? Am i a bad friend, it just seems like sometimes I don't know anymore! I just don't see it, i've changed myself for the better, to not be the person that I used to be when I was young... You know stupid, forgiving, too nice, talking about people behind their backs, spreading rumors, lying...all the high school stuff that you go through to break through to the true person that is there...The one that no one had a clue that was actually there because of a facade. Do people forgive? Isn't life a little too short, to well lets quote "forgive and forget?" I grew up, why don't the people that matter the most see this?

I have no clue as to why I keep questioning myself I sometimes feel as if I am all alone in the world, with no friends beside me because I push people away. Why do I push people away, and keep them at arms length? Why cant I let people in and let them see the true side of me? The one that no one often gets to see? Which is in all reality if people would stop going off assumptions, and things that they have "heard" you'd realize I have changed and it's all because of one well two people and that would be my daughter and my husband (Mitchell). Why cant people see that through the tough exterior there is a lonely, sweet fun-loving, willing to give the shirt of my back if you needed it, mature, not so high strung person? Why do I often feel defensive? Why do I feel like I have to prove myself to people? When it gets me absolutely no where at all.


                                      Why do I always question myself?

Now...

As of today Zoe is almost 5 months old! She will be officially 5 months old on the 12th of this month. I could not be anymore proud of my daughter she is absolutely the greatest thing I have been blessed with since I met my husband (Mitchell) my life revolves arounds her paying little attention to myself and selfish needs that I used to always think that were so important! It's amazing how my life has changed so much within just one yr of finding out that I was pregnant. I've honestly cut alot of people out of my life that was of negative influence to myself and my daughter! I had to mature as an responsible adult and take care of someone asides myself, that depended on me almost every moment of the day! But I am ready for the task at hand. I want what's best for my daughter even if it means to have no friends at all to make that all possible for her to have the best influences and morals and not grow up and let others walk all over her as I let others to me! I am determined to be the best mother I can be, as my mother was to me all these years I want her to be independent, smart, and not to  make mistakes that I have made in life, to regret years later after seeing how I've been affected as well as others! I'm turning over a new leaf. OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW!

2-4 months

Well the second to fourth months were the most life changing and that's where I saw how my little Zoe was developing. I got through her 1st cold when she was a little over 2 months old..It was hard to see quite honestly, I didn't know what I was going to do when she really got sick I was such a wreck when she just had a little cold! But she has been really good I think that she has an even better immune system than her father and I, put together. When she went to her 2 month check up she was nine pounds and another 2 inches taller then what she was last time she went to the Peditrician at two-weeks old so she was 22 inches long at this point, and she was developing so fast and good that I was told by her doctor that I could start her on solids at 3 months old..wow that made me happy my little princess is doing soo well! On the 12 when she turned 3 months old I started her on her solids at first with formula and cereal, she wasn't particular with that combination so I changed the nxt day to apples and oatmeal and it's like over night she became a pro at eating! Then as she progressed I also put her on sweet potatoes, and peaches. She was not a big pears or peas fan, so I pretty much stuck with that till 4 months old...then her 4 month check up came and wow did she jump up she went all the way to almost 16 pounds and 25 inches long and in the top 95th percentile in her weight and development. I was told when she goes in for her 6 month check up he will discuss our options with secondary foods! At this point lots had changed she learned to roll from her belly to her back, learning how to put her pacifier back in her mouth, trying to pull herself up, but only getting a small sit up out of it haha. Shed changed so much already!

Newborn- one month old

From the 3 day stay I had to endure at the hospital to going home with our newest addition to the family, I wad excited to be going hone to where I wasn't going to be woke up like 50 times a night! Driving home from Austin to bastrop which is 24 miles to be exact was when I was most nervous, I made sure Zoe was comfortable. Got to the house and honestly was in some pain due to getting my belly cut open..I was happy to be home though with my baby, it was kind of weird I thought that I was going to be very nervous about having to take care of a baby on my own, but I got blessed with a great baby! She did soo well, she didn't like her crib so I resulted into using the pack and play beside the couch and she would sleep much better at night as would I. The first month went by soo fast it seems, and then it was time for zoes two-week appointment. It went get she gained 3 pounds and got 2 inches longer, the nurses and her Peditrician were soo in love with her and said she was one of the best behaved babies they had ever seen. At one month old it was hard to get used to having someone depend on me on every aspect of their life but I loved every moment of it!

Got to get everyone caught up! chapter 1: pregnancy!

Well I just started this blogging I figured I had to do something productive with my time! Aside from being a stay at home mother and wife. Got to get everyone up to speed for the past year...This is going to be long so bear with me! Ok well no need to go into details on my life before pregnancy that was all in the past... Well I found out that I was pregnant last year around february, it was quite a shock to tell you the truth! I was told the wrong information, about my birth control. My husband and I had talked about children, but to actually be pregnant with my first child! Was a little scary at first, with mixed emotions and questions racing through my mind! I wasnt expecting it at first. The first question I asked myself was "Am I really ready for this?" and then came to "Will I be a good mother?" those were the primary questions I asked myself along with the secondary questions to follow... As the time went  by I got more and more excited, and got even more excited when I found out that I was going to be having a GIRL! At that point I was actually thinking the opposit because I was going off those old "wives" tales and thinking to myself wow im really low and all up front so I have to be having a boy! I was kind of preparing for that until the ultrasound tech said "ITS A GIRL" instantly I was shocked and the tears streamed down my face! I was having a girl! Not that I wouldnt have been just as happy with a boy.. Well to fast foward so this isnt like a book.. The first couple months I was constantly sick, then it subsided, then came the pain of being 40 pounds heavier and having her be on my kidney for the last two-weeks was hard to say the least bit! I was excited to be induced on the 12th, I wanted to see my baby girl at last..To spare you the long gory tales of my labor, it did not go as planned zoe couldnt take the potocin so I was not able to dialate like I was supposed too..Second option: c-section, it was not something I planned on but honestly 12 hours of labor and the pain I experienced I just wanted miss zoe to be here...Well by the time I had the time to second guess myself they were already coming into get me to take me to surgery! It took all of 20 minutes and I was back into the room, about to open me up. (Just to let you know what you see on tx with c-sections, is not what you get!) when she was out, they didnt simply hand her to me and let me hold her for even the slightest second, I got to kiss her forehead then get staples, and pain meds. I had to be in the recovery room for 1 1/2 hrs and then my husband bought her in after an hour of not seeing her, so I pretty much missed the first hour of her being born, which to some you would think umm ok but to me thats my little girl I wanted to be with her at all times...Finally i got to see her and feed her, her first bottle the feeling that I got was just amazing, to hold the baby that my husband and I created, just touched me soo much!