Nine months later...and a pinched neve!

Nine months.

Nine months ago, you were born. I loved you from the moment I found out I was pregnant with you. When you were born, you were and always are perfect. You have the most gorgeous eyes, a laugh that puts a smile across my face, and your love for me is endless, as my love for you is endless as well! Now your nine months old, and it seems as if last week I was just holding you in my arms for the first time while you slept ever so peacefully. Now you are such an active little girl, and have such a wonderful personality. You rarely ever give me a hard time, such a well behaved big girl! We've gone through nights of no sleep, or you falling asleep in mommy's arms sometimes I would just lay there and watch you sleeping so peaceful, and smile so proudly that I was blessed to be your mama. You have learned so many new things, for example: saying your first words, to give mama and dada those sweet kisses of yours, how to high five, and how to bang your toys together (loudly!) you have also have gone through many of your milestones and "firsts" like: your first two bottom teeth came through, your first time crawling, your first time holding your own baba, and your first time trying a sippy cup, sitting up all by yourself, and not having to use the baby tub and taking bathes in the BIG GIRL TUB. There are many others that you have learned and much more you will learn as well as you keep growing. I consider myself a very lucky mom to have been blessed and chosen by Jesus to take care of you and cherish, and to love and provide for! Mommy loves you so very much Zoe, and each day that I wake up to your smiling face, makes my world just light up soo much more. I can't wait for your many other "firsts" that you will have. You make me so proud, and today you turn nine months old! Each and every day you cease to amaze me, and I look forward to big, bright things in your future. I knew I always loved you since I found out I was pregnant, we have a special bond. Now your nine months old and we still have that special bond that no one could ever break!

That is my letter to my gorgeous baby girl that I cherish more then anything in the world! Well I know Ive become a horrible, non-consistent blogger! I really need to WORK ON THAT! I will try to keep everyone updated with things that are going on, it's just been very busy. With all the mommy work, and the house-work as well. Then I found out that I have a pinched nerve in my back!( and yes it is EXTREMELY PAINFUL!) :( but I do my best to deal with it as much as I can, I don't have the luxury of taking time off my job..but with the pinched nerve, I have to go to physical therapy, take pain meds to sleep at night! (for anyone that knows me I hate taking meds, so I try not to take them unless the pain is pretty bad!) my doctor said physical therapy is "supposed" to help with the pain. I'm not sure if it takes time that's what I was told but the first time I went which was yesterday, it was extremely painful, and I ended up crying through most of it! (I tried soo hard not too, it did not work soo well!) and when left I actually worse then when I went in. I will keep going, just to give it time and see if my pain will disappear over time. I want something to help, I do not want to be on pain killers all the time. Even worse have to get surgery( that would be the next step my doctor said if physical therapy does not take!) so I am keeping my fingers crossed that my back will get better! I'm too young to be having issues like this! Well that's pretty much it for now. 

Buh-bye 
Blog! Always with love 
Tina<3

Long time NO BLOG!

Geez I haven't blogged in such a long time! Not that I have alot of people that follow/read my blog haha..Any whoo, well alot has gone on since I've been away. Be prepared I may ramble on a bit, and confuse you since it's been quite a while. So I can only hope that I write this blog to where it makes since, if not well then I'm sorry! 

Marriage: you know marriage is sometimes hard. Even when you and the other person are very compatible and they make you happy, and complete. Take me for instance: sometimes I just don't want to talk, or have someone offer to be of some help. I don't get that alot unless I'm sick ( which never happens THANK GOD!) or a special day, and truth be told I just want (some) help! It doesn't have to be major I don't expect you to clean the whole house spotless. No. I am just saying put a dish up, maybe wash dishes, or put a load of laundry in the washer. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so?! I'm not being ungrateful because I am grateful for my husband and all that he does but his legs or hands are not broke! It just seems as if I am doing this all alone with no help, and truth be told it just IRKS me! Although I may be the one to blame in this situation because I never mention this to my husband. ( I tend to think I'm super-woman, and can do everything!) but I just CAN'T! but one thing I will say and never speak Ill of Mitchell is that he is a fabulous father!!! He does everything he can for Zoe. It kind of evens out that he doesn't clean. I have always wanted for Zoe to have two parents, and not one and a part-time parent. Luckily she has two that will do anything and everything for her! All that set aside I'd have to say that the hardest part of being married and having a baby is the lack of time spent together with Mitchell. Don't get me wrong I throughly enjoy spending time with Zoe and seeing her bright smile every day! But Mitchell and I seem to never get any time together, with him working, me taking care of Zoe and house work everyday, we just never seem to get a moment just to watch tv and cuddle! Him either too tired, or Mitchell is too tired. The good thing is that it doesn't put a strain on our relationship because although we are both busy (him: with working, me: with everything else) we get along extremely well, and he can do/say anything to make me smile, or make a long day just that much better! Him and Zoe! They sure do complete me! :) 

Me: I've been drained the past couple days. I'm a mother ( who wouldn't be?) but I take it all in stride and move forward in my day. Although I have extreme lack of sleep, I wake up every morning ( not because I have to) with Zoe. It's something about when I go into her room and peek over at her in her crib and she lifts up her head and just gives me the biggest smile, just let's me know sleep or no sleep that day will be good no matter what! :) I am going to have to make a doctors appointment soon. I have to get back on my migraine meds first of all, I seem to be getting one at-least three times a week, and that can not be good at all. It could be stress, or just no sleep, but I need to get this under-control! I need to be in tip-top shape to take care of my baby-girl. I also need to get back on my depression meds ( I don't have extreme depression) it just seems to make my days better, and I don't seem to stress out as much ( if you couldn't already tell I am a HIGH strung person!) then I have to make a female doctors appointment for a mammogram I know OUCH but with being in remission I have to do it every year to make sure no new masses have formed. Those two appointments I am going to make sometime next week, I'll keep everyone updated! Although I'm sure there is nothing to cause any concern. 
 Last weekend I went to visit my mother and friends. I took miss Zoe with me. We had an wonderful time! Zoe got to spend time with her grandparents, and I got to spend time with family and friends! I got to hang out with one of my good friends morgan! It was absolutely the thing that I needed the most just a relaxing day with-out a baby attached to me. We got some lunch, did some errands, and I got my nails done and Morgan got her toes did! Haha. Thanks again Morgan for the wonderful day! :) I also got to spend lots of time with my mother. It was great as well, she helped me soo much with Zoe! Even though I let her know she did not have too! But she did anyways and makes me appreciate her and all the things she has ever done for me that much more! 

Zoe: there has been alot of milestones that Zoe has mastered! Since I have blogged, I will list them:

1.Her ( teeth) not tooth came in about two-weeks ago. Her two bottom pearly whites made their entrance! We are dealing with the stresses of her teething her and I. She's been alot more fussy lately, but nothing her or I can't handle. I just thank the lord that she NEVER ran fever through-out the duration of her teething. 
2. She crawled all by herself! She has a unique run-crawl as one of my friends put it. It is soo extremely adorable though, look out every-one zoes on the move! ( I am getting safety latches this week) we are currently working on walking so far she has been able to take 2 steps till she falls into my arms. We are taking little strides I am not forcing her until she is absolutely ready!
3. She eats solids three times a day! She gets her fruits and oatmeal with a 4 ounce bottle of formula in the morning, then gets vegetables with mixed grains with 4 ounces juice for lunch, then gets her dinner solids with mixed grains and another 4 ounces of formula for dinner. Then right before she goes to sleep she gets a 7 ounce bottle of formula, to help her go to sleep. We are cutting down on formula by alot instead of always going every week ( because I get the big container for formula) I only have to get it every 2-3 weeks. 
3. She started holding her own bottle, and started using a sippy-cup ( not all the time, we are weening into it!) but she's slowly getting the hang of it, she's learning that juice comes out faster from the sippy-cup then the bottle.
4. She's very observant! She knows what she wants and will lunge towards it ( she mostly wants my phone or the remotes!) she's particular with what she wants to play with and loves her binky ( her pink elephant security blanky that she's had since she was born) she also loves to bang her toys together and make alot of noise.
5. Last but not least, she is learning new words everyday! Now the words she knows is: mama, dada, baba, nana, and hey. She also knows who to direct her words to, she calls me mama, calls her daddy dada, and you get the gist. She knows what things, and who people are. She also knows how to wave hi and bye. 

Well that's pretty much all that's been going on in our little family, and life! I promise I will try to be more current on my blogs, I have just been really busy! I will also load more recent photos of Zoe as soon as we get another computer, trust me that's a long drawn out story you don't want to hear. To sum it up it went out. So for now I am down to my cell phone to do everything off of! 

Love always
Tina

Catching everyone up!

Wow its been awhile since I have last blogged. I have been mentally and physically tired! I will catch you all up on what has been going on in my life. Also let you all know how my first Mothers Day went!

• Well, I have been physically and emotionally drained these past couple weeks. No one believes that being a stay-at-home-mommy/house-wife, is actually very hard and hard work! But let me tell you IT IS! Also now that Zoe is almost seven months old, its much harder (not that I am complaining) I now have to deal with little or no nap times, teething, and the number one stressing factor my baby-girl has SEPARATION ANXIETY! It seems like every time I go to the other room for five seconds, when I leave her view she starts bawling! Is this normal? I love the fact that my baby loves me, but I also want her to be independent! I really think its an age thing though, I have read to where when they get around this age they want to be around people/things that are familiar and comfort them. I hope its a stage though I really do, because it makes me feel horrible when I leave and she automatically starts crying. It breaks my heart! Other then that Zoe has been doing extremely well, other then the teething and separation anxiety, she is developing great. She is trying to walk, before she crawls! She is sitting up on her own and discovering that she can do things everyday. I am a little bit on edge though as her cardiology appointment approaches. I am sure there is nothing to be concerned about, but when I think about how her appointment is this Friday I feel my heart and the thoughts about to race. I keep thinking "what-if?" "how am I going to deal if there is something abnormal?" I know all normal questions, but they bother me! I just want to "know" that she is fine and I dont have to be having all these "what-if" thoughts! 
• I have to say the past couple weeks have been wonderful ever since I talked to Mitchell and explained to him that some of the things he does and says hurts my feelings, or seem mean to me. Even though he is doing it in a joking manner, it effects me. Since then he has been wonderful, so sweet and caring and just all in all PERFECT! It has definitely made me feel better, and made me feel appreciated in the ways that I so very needed. 
• Mothers Day has been awesome today I have to say! I am not the type of person that I look forward to holidays for gifts! The best gift that I recieved today was a simple one! To have Mitchell and Zoe with me on Mothers Day and it happened, and that is all that I could ever ask for. But Mitchell also did surprise me with my digital camera printer that I have been wanting, and said it was from Zoe. He is soo adorably sweet for surprising me like that. I also got a card as well, it made me cry here's what it said:

when I think of the things daughters usually say to their mothers I think of the obvious ones...

I love you,

I need you,

I want to be like you when I grow up...

Now, I am grown-up, and I have something more I'd like to say-something I think you should know...

I am so proud of you.

you have my deepest respect as well as my love,

and I still want to be like you.

Happy Mothers Day!

 

and he signed it ZOE!

At that moment I thought to myself "Wow I am soo lucky to have a wonderful husband, and my beautiful baby girl" They mean the world to me, and I don't know where I would be with-out either of them. Today wasn't just about "me" as a mother but it was about family and how much they mean. That's what it made me think of, because when your a "mother" you are a family, and that family is what is going to get you through no matter how many tough things pass through LOVE always prevails! And I am glad I have people in my life that love me! 

Daddy and Zoe

My Mothers Day consisted of the two loves of my life!

Could not have asked for a better day!

Life in the works!

Well I have stayed away from blogging so I would not get "writers block" per say, and run out of things to write about. Now is the time that I need to spill, there has been soo much that has been going on, it will be disorganized and out of order, so bear with me here!

• Easter was a great day! It would have been a much better day if Mitchell did not have to work that day and was able to be there! It was a day that he had to work, so I can not complain, but I just do not want Mitchell to miss those holidays, and milestones! I just do not want him to miss when Zoe does the most important things. For example: her crawling, and walking, her eating by herself, you know things as a parent you do not want to miss. He already has missed her saying her first word, and sitting up by herself. I do not want him to quit his job or anything, I just want him to see these moments because they are special, especially to a parent that taking a picture, or getting a video does not do it justice! Got a little "off" topic there but that is something I wanted to share with you all. We really did have a wonderful Easter, even though Mitchell was absent. Had some good food and great time with Zoe's grandparents and also her great grandparents as well! Although she did not do the famous "Easter egg hunt" I think shes just a little too young to do that. She did get the movie Bambi from her Nana though as an  Easter present. 

 Mommy and Zoe

Zoe's First Easter! <3

• here as of lately I seem to be taking things that people say or do very personally! It actually pushes me to the edge to where I start to cry actually the correct word is bawl! I am not sure where it comes from, I have never been that "type" of person to where what people say-or-do gets to that extent of bothering me so very much! I really think, actually I KNOW that it has to do with stress! It seems to where I start questioning myself about if I am doing something right? Or how did I mess this up? Why do I keep thinking I am walking on egg-shells? Then when it gets to the point to where I am beyond stressed out, I just completely shut-down! It all stems from my childhood, where when I had a problem or something bothered me, I kept it inside, and just let it tick away! Until I unleashed the wrath on un-expectant people, that it has nothing to do with! Now that I am older, I have not done that as much, but its still a process that I have to work on and deal with as it comes and I am sure that I will conquer this issue that I have!
• Today I went to the doctor, since I have been having this excruciating pain in my pelvic area, when I go to sleep, and also I know this is going to be a little explicit but when I have intercourse, it feels like my uterus and everything attached is going to rip out of my body! I promise there is a reason why I put this in here! Well I got there and first of all I absolutely despise doctors offices because they take soo long to get you back and the staff are rude half the time! My appointment was at 3:20pm and I did not get into a room until 4:30pm! Well as soon as I got back there and the doctor came in, I had to get checked by ultrasound. I did not know what in the world I was looking at it seemed weird to me since the last ultra-sound I had was with Zoe in my belly. After my ultra-sound the doctor said that I have a CYST on my ovary. Immediately after I heard that my heart just SANK into the pit of my stomach! He said that it looked harmless and will probably go away on its own. But I need to go get an MRI just to make sure, and then go from there to see that if it will go away on its own or something that needs to be surgically removed. The thought of it really scares me, to the point of I almost do not want to get the MRI and get bad news! (Do not worry I am going to get it done!) I am so sick of always having some kind of problem! Why is it always me? When can I just not have to worry about my health? I am 24 I should not have these problems! I will keep you all updated as the time comes!
• On a lighter note, Zoe is mentally and physically developing soo well, to the point to where she is advanced in her developement. She is in the stage of trying to pull up and stand on her own. Trying to skip crawling all together and go straight to walking. She does not like "tummy-time" in the least bit, but loves sleeping on her stomach! Am I the only one that thinks that is weird? haha. She is on second-foods, and finger foods! Loves different textures and sounds! My baby is growing up soo fast! It seems, every-time I blink she is doing or trying something new! She really is my heart, and a prime reason for me maturing soo much! Anything and everything I do is for her and also for Mitchell, they are my first priority in life! 

Well that is all I have for right now! If I think of anything more ill write about it! Also if you have any questions you'd like to ask of me I will answer those too! I have no secrets and will tell you whatever your hearts desired! and this girl is OUT! But I leave you all with this picture! :)

Mommy and Zoe having a staring contest!

(she won!)

That over-whelmed, un-appreciated feeling!

That over-whelmed, under-appreciated feeling!


Before I start off into my blog let me just tell you I do love and appreciate everything my husband does. It's just that kind of day, I guess where things are just kind-of "off" and I'm in this emotional spiral that I can't find my way out of! Well here's a list of what I do and what I get out it!

Here goes nothing...

1. I clean the house, and not your normal everyday just clean I'm talking about grimy clean- what do I get mitchell going behind me and dirtying up the house again in less then 10 minutes, no thank you or the house looks good, I almost have to fish for a compliment. Then the number one thing that really just puts my panties in a wad is that I feel like I am raising two kids, Zoe not even old enough to mess the house up yet, but I got my second kid (my husband) that acts like his hands and legs are broke and can't go simply put a dish in the sink, or throw away a soda can..I find myself going behind him and throwing away his dirty dishes and trash! I know he works alot and like I said I appreciate everything he does, but it does not take that much work to pick up after yourself! I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER! Then I get the primary excuse that he works, and because I am a stay at home mom/wife it's my job REALLY did he just say that to me? Um..it's not my job to pick up your stuff!

2. I feed and change Zoe all the time! Q it almost feels like I have to force him into feeding or change his OWN daughter! I should not have to force/bargain with you, you should WANT to do this! I DO with no complaints! I know it's not because he don't love or care for her, because he does! He just has this thought in his head that mommy is here for the hard work, and daddy is here for FUN! Oh and did I mention I also give her baths all the time, you know I couldn't even tell you the last time he gave her a bath!

3. I don't even try to cook because when I do all I get is a whole bunch of criticism about how I am not doing something right, and he ends up taking over!

This is not in anyway to bash or presume that Mitchell is a bad husband/father in anyway! He is great with Zoe and he does take care of her and I. I think that I spoiled him because I do do everything, and he's just comfortable with it now!

All I want is a little understanding and APPRECIATION!

Sometimes I just get to the point to where I just want to scream out loud, and see if anyone cares...but I know that won't matter.

I want some time to myself to where I can just relax and do absolutely NOTHING and know and not have to worry if the house is going to be a wreck, or worry that Zoe isn't on the schedule that I have her on! Yes I get to go to the grocery by myself but really that's a hassle and a stress inducer as well bobbing-and-weaving through rude people, and get home to have to lug all the groceries up the stairs by myself!

I know it's not good to keep this all bottled up inside and that I should talk to friends and family! I am just not that kind of PERSON to just spill my whole issues out onto people because I don't want to burden anyone with my problems, or things that bother me..everyone has their own lives and issues, and I never want to add to it.

I am also really tired of people assuming that since I don't have a job that all I do is watch tv all day, and eat... I DON'T contrary to popular belief being a housewife/mommy is a twenty-four/ seven job. I wouldn't trade my life for all the wealth in the world, because I love my daughter and my husband with every fiber of my being !

I just want to know that I am respected, and appreciated for what I do, and not get criticized, for what I don't do or what I don't do right! I am not perfect, and no one is!

Thanks for listening...

Sincerely yours
Over-whelmed and un-appreciated!

My daughter is STRONG..

Well I know that I spoke about my daughter Zoe's heart defect. It has really been affecting me, although I try not to show it. It's not the fact that she has a defect, that bothers me as much. Its the fact of the matter that Its the questions that bother me and also the main reason being that her pediatric cardiologist appointment is May 15th which feels like it is light years away! I want to know that this is a "hurdle" that she will get over and that her heart murmur is "innocent" and will go away on its own, as her peditrician was so optimistic about!

Today I realized something though "Zoe is such a strong girl" She is always so, happy and getting bigger everyday, when she went to the doctor she is 19 pounds, is sitting up on her own, and learning new things everyday like realizing what things are, and what kinds of noises they make, that you would never know she even had a "abonormality" She honestly astounds me everyday, and makes me the proudest mother everyday! I have now realized she will get over this! Her doctor told me that he is really optimistic that it will go away on its own, because she is doing so wonderful in her growth and developement. Which comforts me a great deal! She is like her father because when he was a baby, about or around her age he also was diagnosed with an "innocent" heart murmur and he grew out of his, and she is so much like her daddy, that it helps me feel better as well. I Just want her to be happy, and grow, and prosper into the wonderful person I know and will be. No mother wants to be told of anything that could be/is wrong with their child. When I was told that she had her abnormality, it honestly felt as if my heart had been ripped out and stomped on! But I know that my Zoe is strong, and will get through this, I have all the faith in the world that she will!

That is the update on her status!

Today was a good day spent with family! Went to Mitchell's parents and ate lunch, and just hung out and Zoe spent some time with her grandparents. She is so lucky to have grandparents, as I grew up my grandparents passed when I was a child. I never had the luxury, of seeing my grandparents. I am greatful and blessed that she has both of hers! Also sometime this week Mitchell, Zoe, and I are going to go to San Marcos, to the outlet malls. I think it will be a great 'FAMILY TIME" for all of us. It will be Zoe's first "real" outting and I can not wait!


Sometimes I think that people get bored of reading my blog, because all I seem to talk about is my daughter and my husband! But truth be told I could really care less, because my daughter, and husband are a major part of my life, and my life and world revolves around them both! I want us to be a close family, as when I was growing up I never had a close "family". I have a mother that I hold close to my heart and I am VERY VERY close too, but I never had a true family dynamic, so this is what I strive for and if you can't seem to understand this, then do not read my blog. I mean really you are not breaking my heart in the least! Its honestly soothing to get things out, even if it is written on the web. For all the people that have been (ARE) there for me I thank you all very much! It really does mean an awful lot to me!


Well that is it for tonight folks... I WILL BE BACK!

Just want to make sure my baby is ok!

Today has been a LONG day it all started out with Zoe's doctors appointment, at 10am it started out like any normal time I would take her to the doctor. She got checked out by the nurse and she is doing absolutely GREAT she is doing very good in her weight, and her height, and she is in the top percentile in her development! Then her Peditrician came in and checked her out listened to her heart, lungs, ears, eyes, mouth, nose all the normal things and he said she is doing wonderful, and I was feeling great. Then he was like BUT, you know I really hate that word BUT it's always a term that people make others feel good then go completely down to horrible feeling. Anyways he was like BUT I "heard vibrations in her heart that makes me believe that she has a heart murmur! After I heard this I felt a knot in my throat and the tears start to well up in my eyes, but I didn't want to bust out crying in the doctors office but inside I was dying! He said that it's not one that he was concerned about that it was an "innocent" heart murmur, and that chances are that it is going to heal as she gets older. As he was speaking I could hear what he was saying but the thoughts were racing through my mind. "why?" "what did I do wrong?" "could I have done to prevent this?" then the questions quickly turned into blaming myself, even though he said it was "innocent" no mother wants to hear that their baby has any kind of defect! In the middle of all this I was listening to him and he said to make sure I want to refer you to a pediatric cardiologist. Then he said he would send a referral, and at this point. I wanted to get out of there, I just wanted to cry!

I have had the doctor and Mitchell tell me "don't worry about it she will be fine!" it helped, it really did but I can't seem to get it out of my head! So the doctor called and told me which doc to call and I quickly called and made her the first appointment! The first available one was may 15th.. How was I supposed to wait that long? I am trying to be stronger and not break down, and know that everything is going to be ok! But I don't...I just want my baby to be ok! I just hope that when we do go, that she will be ok! I just don't know what I will do if there was anything wrong with her! She's very special to me! I love her so much! I am going to pray to god that it heals its self and that my babygirl don't have to go through anything because she doesn't deserve it! She's done soo much to change me for the better and each day that I wake up to her smiling face makes my days just that much brighter!

I haven't told alot of people but I just wanted to get this out it's been on my mind all day long! And I cannot seem to get it to go away! So please pray and hope that it is something that is going to last and that it's what the doctor said and it's "innocent" and will go away on it's own! Please! I'll be doing the same thing!

LIFE AND A BEAUTIFUL BABY.

I haven't blogged in a couple days I figured I would take some time off to collect my thoughts, that way I could get thoughts, and what I have been up to out there!

• My beautiful princess Zoe is 6 months old today! I could not be anymore proud then what I am today. She has grown, and grown so much in the past six months. She just continues to amaze me every single day! I know she was a blessing brought to Mitchell and I. I remember everything from when I found out I was pregnant with her to when I found out that I was having a girl, to giving birth, and bringing my precious baby girl home! She has made me such a better person, and made our family complete! To give you an update on her milestones that she has met:

 This is from birth until  now!

1. Searches for me or Mitchell in any room, with people or without.
2. Knows mommy, and daddy's voice/touch.
3. Started discovering her hands.
4. Rolls from her back to her stomach, and rolls from her stomach to her back.
5. Said her first word (MAMA)
6. Started sitting up supported.
7. Mimics people as they talk.
8. Getting her first tooth.
9. Laugh/Smiled
10. Plays and interacts with her toys.
11. Discovered that she can splash in the bathtub.
12. Pulls up on my fingers.
13. Trying to sit up on her own by doing mini-baby crunches!
14. Knows how to put her paci back in her mouth.
15. Is trying to hold her own bottle (she's not quite there just yet!)

These are her milestones she has reached up to date they are out-of-order. She is what makes me wake up smiling in the morning, and what makes me smile before I go to sleep at night! Mitchell always says that I'm crazy because I always count down when she is going to be a certain month, (which is all of them) but that is my baby girl how could I not be excited, that's like saying not to be happy that we got married, or about the other wonderful things that have happened to me! I have always thought I am destined to be a MOMMY I love kids and I love waking up Miss Zoe everyday, I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to her! Her and Mitchell are what I live and breath for! I would like to have more kids, but not for a couple years I want to spend this time to bond with her, and love on her, and be devoted to her, until she is old enough to understand what is going on ( not to go into details about it, but for her to at least not think I am abandoning her, or that I don't love her as much, or less!) Then I will think about adding to the family, I would like to have a boy, but I will say exactly what I told everyone when I was pregnant with Zoe I don't care if I have a boy or girl. As long as the baby is happy and healthy, that's all that matters to me! Zoe is such a GREAT baby, she always has been ever since she was born!

Well I think that I have dotted on her enough, that people can't stand to read anymore. I will go to my weekend last weekend. It was a awesome weekend I have to say. Mitchell and I had a craw-fish boil to attend to (his co-worker, and friend invited us to it several months ago) So Mitchell and I asked for his mother to watch her and with no hesitation she said "of-course". We dropped her off, it was easier then the last time, since she already stayed over night with her Nana, and did wonderful! I gave her like 50 million kisses and I love yous before we left. The craw-fish was in New Braunfels, which is about an hour away from us, and it was a good drive, Mitchell and I just talked and laughed. Got there and I was a bit nervous I would have to say (I didn't know anyone there, not even Mitchell's co-worker) Mitchell didn't want to leave my side for fear, he thought that I wouldn't have fun, but I told him not to worry about me ill be fine! So he meandered off, and I was just enjoying the music, and food, the alcohol wasn't bad either ( I stopped drinking about a year before I got pregnant, got burnt out! Now I remember why I did I felt miserable the next morning! ) It was very very hot and humid! I sweat in places I didn't know that I could (yep I know TMI) but that's how hot it was. My first thought "Thank god I didn't bring Zoe, she would have been absolutely miserable!" Because I was going to bring her if her grand-parents could not take her but all-in-all it turned out wonderful. It was just what I needed, not that I wanted to get away from my baby, just that I needed some quality time with-out a baby attached to me! (EVERY mother needs that! for her own sanity, no matter how much you love your kids!) I was very excited when we got her though, we ate and came home. Had some quality mommy/daddy/Zoe time!

It's times like those that make my day extra special to see Mitchell love and play with Zoe makes me love him so much more! He is such a wonderful daddy to her! He is a wonderful man in general!

I have done so much, and devoted myself to them. I feel like god has blessed me with the two wonderful gifts in life and I could not ask for anything more! Life is AWESOME right now and no-one or anything can bring me down!

She sure is mommy's PRINCESS!

and a gorgeous one!

Relationship that will last a lifetime...

Just to take a time-out for just one moment... I know that I seem to just ramble on and on about how my life is so very wonderful. Truth be told it is, and I had to go through a lot of heartache, and hardship to get to this very point in my life. For those who assume that they know me, or do not even really know me at all will cringe to the fact of the things in my life that I have had to endure. It took a major effect in my life and made me a very high-strung, closed minded person that never let anyone in. I did it to the fact that I do not like to make myself vulnerable to getting hurt. I am a strong, tough, very independent person!

Before I met Mitchell, I was still that person. He changed me, well he made me want to change. He showed nothing short of love and respect for me. I could tell him things that I couldn't even really speak with my mother about. That to me speaks volumes, he was the only person that I actually "let in" to actually see that through the tough outer exterior that I show, that I have feeling, and emotions. He loved me through everything and through all of my faults. I have been mentally, physically, and emotionally abused in my life. I will not go through the details.. But I carried it with me, for the longest time and resented myself into thinking maybe me being here on earth was a fatal "mistake". I am not one to ever hurt myself physically, but emotionally I beat myself everyday. I struggled to find my place in life, somewhere I felt that I belonged!

I often threw myself into the worst relationships, not saying that I went from men to men every other week, as my last relationship lasted for six years. Remember this is all before I even met or knew of my husband. Anyways my last relationship was good at first then the longer we were together we resented each other! Mainly I resented him because he never let me just "BREATH" and was a very jealous and insecure person. I hate when people question my motives and he did that quite often, but I dealt with it because we were together for so long. How could I just start over? The relationship I knew was unhealthy, but I kept going with it, until it got very rough. I do not tolerate cheating for any reason, and he broke my number one cardinal rule NOT TO CHEAT! I never felt so betrayed or disrespected in my life until that very point, I have anger problems but I have my morals and want to be treated with respect! That was the end of that, I will never forgive that level of betrayal from anyone. So I made a promise to myself that I would find someone that will respect me and never betray me ever, it took some time and also took just a little more time for me to get my life back in order.

When Mitchell and I met I considered myself a "BROKEN" person. Through all that, I also had some major health issues, that alot of people til this day do not know about. I don't like to bring it up, it was an awful part of my past, and took me a while to get over it. Mitchell was one of the main people that I shared my health problems to, he embraced me in a way that I never expected anyone to. He wanted me to be better, he could see through to my heart and knew that how I was, was because what I have been through. Until this day aside from Mitchell I have never "fully" opened up to what has happened to me in the past, because from past experiences I have been hurt, been called a liar, all the above. So after all that I closed completely down, because I should never have to prove myself of the pain that I have been through. I hide my scars, and remove myself from all the bad things. I go to a different place that makes it all better. I cry at night when I am sad, mad or all the above I am a normal person!

Take it from me you never want to have to get to that point in your life. It sticks with you and affects your everyday life, no matter how much you try to avoid it. The pain is always there, the scars will be there as well as an everyday reminder, but I embrace it and move on towards the future. Even the most fragile glass can be repaired after being broken. I still have things to overcome, but for now I am in a great part of my life. I have what I need and what I have been blessed with!

Never take your relationship for granted, and take the time for you and your husband/wife, or your significant other. The more communication you have with that person and you take some time for yourselves the better your relationship will evolve.

A RELATIONSHIP WITH LOVE AND RESPECT, IS A RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL LAST A LIFE TIME...

My life revolves around family, and friends!

The only thing that keeps me sane are these four factors in my life:

• Mitchell: ( my husband): of course he is my absolute best friend that I could ever have. I can tell him anything and he knows how to make me smile even in the bleak moments that I seem to spiral into a depressed mess. He can make me laugh, even when I am not in the mood, or just plain mad! He does everything to make sure that Zoe and I live a happy, and worry free life! He is very understanding of my past and why I am the way that I am, he accepts me for the person that I am, and not the person that he wants to form me into. It helps also that hes HOT! :) lol but I am not one to base a person off their physical appearance. He just is a very wonderful man that loves me and I love him with every breath I take!

Time out for a second: Personality and morals are very important to me! It goes to the saying "treat others how you want to be treated!" If you treat me like a piece of dirt, I will not tolerate it, but I will also not stoop to that persons childish level! I am one of those people I will forgive, but I will never forget! Everyone has done, said, something stupid and or hurtful in their lives and people have lied (what person hasn't?) But don't think for one second that you are better then me or belittle me off things that have happened in the past when you still act as if you are still in high school! I have no tolerance or patience for peoples drama, rumors about me, or just being rude, and acting like a little kid! Those days are over and if you are going to act like a child I will treat you like one! I do not for a second expect people to like me or even speak to me! Just don't pass judgement on someone when you have no idea who they are as of now! Because you are too stuck in the past, or you base your ideas of a person off what a person has done in the past! I look towards the future I don't have just me to think about I also have my daughter and she is the absolute first priority in my life, and really I don't care if I loose friends because of this because my "true" friends will never leave! Ok so now that is off my chest  I will continue to number two on my list!

• My daughter Zoe: she will always be the reason that I have changed so much (for the better) with the exception of Mitchell! She made me grow up and be more mature, because now I have a little life that depends on me for every part of her life right now! I want her to be able to come to me and talk to me as I have been able to with my mother! I don't want her to make the same mistakes as I have in the past i.e: trusting the wrong people, lying, causing drama.. you get the picture. I want her to be successful and to not have to endure peoples cruel ways of treating others. Shes who I wake up to with a smile on my face, and she makes my heart skip a beat when she smiles and says "MAMA" I want her to be raised in an good enviorment with great friends and family, and if that means I have to weed out all the bad influences or the people that truely don't care so be it! Everything that I do in my life is all about her! I love my gorgeous Zoe. Seeing her growing up everyday and doing new things make me so very proud that I get to stay home and enjoy it!
•  My family: especially my mother has gone through alot with me and she has also been through alot as well! She is deaf, so her world is that much harder. To not have the chance to communicate with the world through voice, has been difficult for her since people automatically assumes that she is not intellegent! I am here to tell you that she is! ( not because she is my mother) because I know differently although she may not have gone to college she did get her high school diploma, and she grew up from a very poor childhood (my mother is 1 of 13 by the way) She is so much stronger and has the biggest heart and nothing in the world mattered more then her children! I love her so much, and love her even more as the years pass! I only hope to be to Zoe how my mother was to me! My dad wasn't around much so we are not as close and we have had "our" issues but I will not go into that. Like I said I will "forgive" but I do not forget! I do respect him for taking care of my mother and little sister to the best of his abilities though. MY big brother we just gotten closer around 6-8 years ago, we had that "your not cool enough to hang out with syndrome" for a little bit. I really do love him and my little sister even though they may annoy me or make me angry I will always do anything and everything for the both of em!
• My friends: I have learned as of now to pick my friends more carefully! Back then it was about the more friends you have, the more popular you are. I am not all about the popularity contest, I don't care if someone has more friends then me. Frankly I won because I have some of the most wonderful friends! I can go to them for advice, motherly tips, and if I ever just needed to vent or to cry to them! Even though its a handful of friends they are the people that I trust most, and those people know who they are! I am one of those people that I like to keep my issues and insecurities to myself, for I thought that I would burden others with my problems. Through recent discovery your "true" friends are there through everything! And I am happy to say that I have those friends! So to all my friends out there! Thank you for helping me through! Love you all and your kind words that you have spoke, or the advice that has been given to me, means alot to me, on so many levels!

Well there you go that is what revolves in the world of Tina I am not that complicated, if you really get the chance to know me I really am quite the nicest person, you will meet. I hold no judgement to others and what they have done.  I am all in all me, and if you don't like it, all I can say is TOUGH. Its your lose and not mine because in the end i'm not crying over someone not liking me. The world does go on and my world consist of four things: My husband (Mitchell), my daughter(Zoe), My family, and My friends... Thanks for listening!

My husband and daughter

I wake up everyday in amazement of the wonderful life I have been blessed with!

Its been a while!

I has been a while since I have blogged and quite honestly it's been such a long week, and weekend. Well I let you all know what has been going on! Bear with me this is fairly long, and extensive.

1. Mitchell started off working nights last week, so for those of you who are not familiar with shift work he does 12 hour shifts nights and days, this was his night shift work for four days, and goes to work from 5:30 pm to 5:30 am. Anyways he went to his night shift and last week was LONG AND HARD to say the least. Zoe started teething, and I just knew it was going to be hard on me and mostly HER! She almost instantly begin to where she didn't want to take naps, and would fight me at night, to get her to sleep. No matter how hard I tried she prevailed! I have issues with medicating a child to get them to calm down but she was not happy, I had to give her medicine to get her to stop crying so I know that she was hurting. Just a little insight to why I can only use medicine to help her teething, is the fact that no matter how I try she will not let me put baby orajel, teething tabs, teething rings, anything of that nature in her mouth. She clamps her lips together to where I cannot pry them apart, and screams at the top of her lung to where I am sure my neighbor probably think " Is she abusing that baby?" So I quickly gave up on forcing her! I don't care what people say or think of me but really she was screaming bloody murder! That pretty much continued all through-out the week with very little to no sleep I was very EXHAUSTED by the time Friday came around! But she is getting better and I think this won't last very long or least I hope not! But even though its tough I would not trade her or my life for anything in the world!
2. So this weekend was what I was looking forward to even though it was going to be draining, and I was already so exhausted I pushed on. Last Saturday was our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, also my mothers side of the family always has a family get together twice a year on Easter and Christmas, well the Easter party coincidentally fell on the day of mine and Mitchell's anniversary! The great thing though was that night Zoe was going to her Nana's house for the night so it gave Mitchell and I time to our-selves which we so desperately needed. Well we started off with the Easter party, I got myself and Zoe up as Mitchell slept, I always take such a long time to get dressed, so I did not want him to wait hours while I got dressed. ( It is not the fact of looking pretty) It was that I had to get dressed while tending to Zoe this is why I took so long, because I had to feed her, then put my clothes on, entertain her so she would not wake daddy up, put my make-up on and straighten my hair, then change Zoe's diaper before we hit the road. I woke up Mitchell and he got ready then we were on our way! Got there it was fun, Mitchell ended up taking Zoe to her Nana's at around two-ish (she lives like ten seconds from where we were) Because she was hot and tired, and it was just down-right HUMID.. The party was fun though, had some good food, got to see family thay I don't get to see often, and relax. Afterwards we went to Mitchell's parents house ( I wanted to see Zoe before I left her that night) I was so dreading this since it was my first night without her I was sure I was going to be an absolute WRECK! I was so proud of myself though I did not CRY! I kept thinking " it's ok, you will see her in the morning" that's what helped me! I gave her lots of love and kisses and reassured her I would be there in the morning and she gave me one of her famous BIG SMILES, and I knew she was happy so then we left!
3. Now we could start our anniversary, but just to let you know it was not all extravagant, like everyone usually has! I wanted simple and relaxing! When you have a six-month old those days are far in-between. Also we were both extremely tired! We decided to just do dinner in Austin and then come home and watch a movie. We went to the outback and it was great good food, and the awesome company of the man I love! Came home and there was nothing out on PPV so we ruled that out and simply watched tv and just relaxed and talked! It was nice, kind of akward since there was not a baby there, but was relaxing! I needed THAT! We decided to go to bed, it was only 10pm but it was such a long day! We actually slept in the same bed together! I can't even remember the last time that we did that ( I think the last time was when I was 4 months pregnat) Yea it was that long AGO! It's not that we don't sleep in the same bed together, because we don't like it. Its because he works such odd hours and I don't want Zoe to get woke up, and/or him to get woke up since he works such long hours. Its not an ideal situation, but it works. I sleep on the couch with Zoe in the playpen beside me! He sleeps in our bed, so he gets his rest for work. Well anyways I veered off subject, this morning we woke up. I was EXTREMELY proud of myself I didn't check in on Zoe the fifty times that I thought I would until that morning I asked how she was and of course she was PERFECT! She was and is a very good baby! I was ready to get my girl! Went to get some groceries and we were on our way!
4. Arrived at Mitchell's parents where zoe was, I walked in and as soon as I was in Zoe's eye sight, she shieked and laughed and smiled! I missed my baby girl! She was so very happy to see her mommy and daddy as we were to see her! It was an hour of lots of kisses! And Mitchell and his mother made dinner it was very very good! Then we had to leave Mitchell has to work tomorrow and had something to do as well! Said our good-byes and left! Got Zoe home and feed her she took a nap and so did I! Woke up around 8pm Zoe and I slept three hours! It was a great nap! Then fed, changed, changed diapers, and gave Zoe a bath and she went to sleep and still asleep as I blog! Mitchell stayed up with me watching tv until about nine then gave me a kiss and we said our love yous and he went to sleep so he could get up in the morning!

Like I said it was LONG! But it was such a great weekend and I loved getting time to spend with Mitchell I just love him so much and I know that we will have many more Anniversaries to come! Also glad to have my sweet princess back at the house with me! Well got to get off here and relax since tomorrow is a day of cleaning, and laundry, and taking care of my baby-girl!

NIGHT YALL

So very exhausted...

Today has been a very exhausting day to say the least! Woke up very early! and it is almost 12am and I still can not go to sleep! Zoe has been extremely fussy, and fighting her sleep for the past three days! My baby is cutting her FIRST tooth! I am so excited that she is getting her first tooth, but also very ready for it to come on in! I hate to see my pretty princess in PAIN! Other then that, its the daily ritual of washing bottles, changing diapers, feeding bottles and solids, housework, laundry, and going to get Mitchell and I food. Yes we eat out all the time but personally if I don't want to eat my own food I am not going to force Mitchell to eat it too! lol (yes I am that bad of a COOK!) I have burnt toast, if that tells you how bad of a cook I am.  Anyways so the week is going to be longer because although I don't have much to do tomorrow, I have to go get the oil changed in the car on Friday! I am sick of seeing OIL MAINTENANCE REQUIRED on my display! and it beeps every time I get in and out of the car! Very ANNOYING! Also have to go get Zoe some more diapers, she goes through them like they are made of paper towels! Then mine and Mitchell's one year wedding anniversary is Saturday and my moms side of the family is having a early Easter. Have to go to that first then drop Miss Zoe off at her grandparents house and she is staying the night with them, then Mitchell will be celebrating our wedding anniversary! :) I am so very excited!

Well that's IT for the night time to sit back and relax and watch some tv! GOOD NIGHT blog world!

BIG SMILE FOR MOMMY!

Today was great!

Today was a good DAY! Didn't o anything special, just spent the day with Mitchell (my wonderful husband) and Miss Zoe! Although Zoe had been fussy today, I still had a good day. Today was the day that I realized why Mitchell and I are so perfect for each other. Although we do have our "husband & wife" fights we quickly get over them. I know I seem to talk about Mitchell and Zoe a lot, but they are a MAJOR part of my life. These are the reasons why I talk about them both so much.

• They both made me so much stronger
• They have made me more mature
• They have made me love unconditionally
• They have made me more patient
• They have taken me out of my defensive shell

I have the "life" I always wanted! I have a family that has changed me for the greater good. Mitchell has been my rock through everything! From the very instant that I met him I knew that we were destined to be TOGETHER, that god brought him into my life to help me through all the trials through out my life and to help me be a better person! As I have said as of Saturday April 2, 2011 we will be married for one year, and that will be one of many more to come. I am HAPPY.. It took me a while to get there only because of my severe depression issues, but when I am around my husband and my baby girl, all that seems to fade away!

My Zoe is going to be six months old in about two-weeks. She just keeps growing up! I remember when I had her and I was in recovery after my c-section with her Mitchell brought her in to me. I held her for the first time and just looked at her in such amazement, from then I vowed that anything and everything I did was for her and Mitchell's benefit!

Well that's all I got for the night! Thanks for reading, and I will be BACK!!

Zoe Ann Marie

3/29/2011 Bath time! 

Love this gorgeous face! :)

Depression equals no GOOD...

Well it's been a while since I've wrote I have been away. I recently went to visit my mother because I have been extremely stressed and it's not the " Oh I am a house-wife, mother" so that is the reason why I am so stressed. Well to give you all the "down-low" I have struggled with depression pretty much all my life. It turns my world up side down, to say at the very least. It does not affect my parenting capabilities, or anything towards Zoe in any sort of negative way. It affects my everyday life, I really should get back on my medication. I have to go to the doctor, since I haven't been on my medicine since I got pregnant. A lot of people thinks "oh I am constantly sad" so I must be depressed! Its more then that. Heres an insight into my depression.

• Sometimes I feel like I am not good enough for the life that I have.
• Sometimes i just don't want to get out of the bed.
• My mind always races. The thoughts that race through my mind never tend to go away, and I feel like I am a CRAZY person.
• I always feel as if what I do is not good enough, and that I could do more.

Those are just SOME of what I go through everyday. Its not so cut and dry. Its hard, and it bothers me I try so hard to be happy it just seems like my mind and body don't want me to be. I feel as if it affects others amongst me, and that I bring them down. It's not an easy thing to go through by yourself but I have an absolute hard time reaching out and expressing what I feel for fear that someone will get to close, and eventually I just get hurt in the end. The only person, I was close to since I was born was my mother. Now that i have a family of my own I want to be strong and happy. I don't want to have issues of letting someone get too close to me. I have a list of wants, and truth is you can "want" all you would like. Sometimes you don't get what you "want". You get what you work for and earn. I feel lucky! I do have a wonderful husband, and an absolutely gorgeous 5 1/2 month old daughter. Wouldn't trade either of them for the world, but I need to learn to open up and to not let things bother me soo much. But how do you do this? When you have struggled with it for a majority of your life span! I am going to MAKE CHANGES! Go another route, and try and get away from the "OLD" me.

I need to LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE...

Other then that my trip to see my mother was all in all a good one. Got to see my mother and hang out with her and just "talk" and to let her see and love on Miss Zoe,  also got to see some friends! Got to have dinner with Miss Morgan, and it was awesome to just get out and talk to her since she knows what I am going through. We also seem to have similar values and morals, and I know she'd been wanting to see zoe so had to bring my gorgeous princess! I had a great time Morgan, and like I said we will be definitely be having lunch/dinner again! Also had lunch with Candis, she's also a very good friend and it was great as well my mother babysat Zoe while I went with her although I missed my princess, it was relaxing and got to talk about what was going on in our worlds! Mostly "MOMMY" talk haha. 

THATS IT FOR TONIGHT FOLKS GOOD-NIGHT!

PS... I turn twenty-four tomorrow. Wow I feel like I am getting OLD!

I get to see my mommy tomorrow!

I am soo excited I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight! I get to see my MOMMY tomorrow! Me and my mother are so very close and truth be told its very hard to be so far away from her.. She has been with me through everything and she has never been away from me for my birthday so I am packing mine and Zoe's bags and we are headed up there for her to see grandma and for me to see my mom for an early birthday! Going to see her is my birthday gift i couldn't ask for anything more.

For those who know me know my story about why my mother and I are so close and for those who don't here's a short version!

1. She raised me and my older brother growing up because my father was never around (he was a driver)
2. She has always respected my decisions no matter what impact they have made.
3. I can always talk to her, without thinking that she will get upset with me or judge me in anyway..
4. She knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and to smile.
5. She is such an inspiration to me in so many ways..(for those of you who don't know my mother is deaf) and she has been through some hard times and she is much stronger from it! 

Those are some of the reasons why me and my mother are so close. Truth be told the list could go on and on! Also I get to go see some of my friends! I am really excited about that, although I do love being around Mitchell and taking care of my Zoe I just don't talk to anyone anymore and I want to be around someone to talk to! I am pretty lonely around here since Mitchell does shift work 12 hour shifts days and nights. I get pretty stressed when all I do is housework, cook, take care of the baby, go to the grocery store, and pay bills. I take it all in stride though and I am going to take advantage of going to my mothers to have someone to talk to and see some good friends!

• Morgan we are definitely going to have to get some lunch/dinner just so you know, so I can meet Mr. Mason and you can meet Miss Zoe FINALLY ha ha!
• Natalie I am going to come and visit you as well so you can see Zoe, and we can catch up!
• Also Candis I want to see you too!
• And all my other friends, that have kept in touch since I have moved, had a baby, and got married, and don't act as if I got the plague!

So there fore I am so excited! This is going to be a good trip! I just know it! I love my friends and family! :)

Just another Tuesday!

Today is going to be one of those "off" days, not knowing why, I just assume that it will be!

• Woke up today, continuing my same routine that goes through out the day! Woke up to Zoe just talking up a storm. Got up got a bottle ready, as well as a diaper and her wipes. Changed Zoe's diaper and fed her a 10 ounce bottle! My baby is a good eater, as I've been told...Found out something new last night that little miss Zoe loves, when I am getting her ready for a bath she loves her bare belly blowed on. She loves it, makes her giggle and laugh so loud! 
• This morning after I put Zoe down for a nap, I gave her, her paci (she loves her paci) looked over at her and she took her paci out as she always does! Was looking at it, and was continuously trying to put it back in her mouth. She got CLOSE...Then put it in sideways and started sucking on it! She makes me laugh! haha
• Today is my follow up appointment, for my jaw and let me tell you I am not looking foward to going to the dentist. I absolutely hate well hate is a harsh word I extremely DISLIKE doctors. It should be fine, since all they are going to do is take more x-rays and check and make sure my jaw in aligned, but its just the thought of going to the doctor. I have no clue as to why it happens but my stomach always goes into knots, when I walk into the doors to any doctors office. I need to get it done though, ready to get it over with!
• I have no clue why but I have been very moody lately! Anything and EVERYTHING just irritates me to no end! Even just the minor things, just aggravate me and truth be told I just don't know why? Zoe isn't one of those people/things that irritate me...Shes what calms my nerves in a matter of speaking. I wont go into full detail on what what bothers me, because it is quite the long list, just figured I would share.
• Why does it seem as if everytime I clean my house that five seconds later, it looks like a tornando just hit it? Am I the only person with this issue? Does anyone experience this? Maybe it's because of having a baby, or maybe its because of my HUSBAND, going behind me and messing things up again haha. 
• Today is a pretty day, although a little windy its actually quite nice. I can't wait until I can take Zoe to the park and enjoy the day with-out being cooped up in this house. Call it lazy but it takes alot of effort to get a baby out of the house IM NOT COMPLAINING! This is the reason why my stroller stays in the car, so I don't have an extra piece of equipment to lug down the stairs. 
• Next week I am going to up Zoe on her solids, to twice a day the first solid with juice and not formula. She is starting to eat a lot more. We are going to start putting her in the bouncer to entertain her self as well, though she hates it I think once I keep putting her into it she will come around. When Zoe turns six months old I will begin to teach her how to hold her own bottle, so she can stay on track. Also I think she will be sitting up on her own SOON! She is already trying so hard, with out success but she keeps trying so I look for her to be sitting up and pulling up within the month. I will keep you all updated! Also I will be trying to transition her to her crib, she doesn't really like it because the mattress is hard, I just don't want her to get used to the playpen (that's where she sleeps as of now) but if she does not take well to the crib, ill continue on placing her into the playpen.

That is all for today folks! 

Just hanging out!

Don't mind my mess on the table! :)

Another Day: A day of thoughts...

I have alot on my mind today it seems, so in order to get it all out I thought I would share!

1. I want to thank miss Morgan for being such a doll and fixing up my blog for me! She took time out of her day and she made it special for me. So this is my personal "Thank You" Morgan! :) You are a wonderful friend and I am glad we got back in touch since High School! 
2. I am so not looking forward to my birthday which is next Monday, exactly one week from today. Its just a constant reminder that I am that one step towards getting older! On a lighter note, the older I get the more I see my life changing and see myself maturing everyday, so that's got to be a good thing right?
3. I cannot wait until my little Zoe will be SIX MONTHS OLD! Which that'll be on April 12th. I just cant wait until she reaches her milestones. She is one of my meanings in life and why I have changed so much. I would most definitely not know what I would do without her in my life! For those who have loved and lost or never experienced having a precious child, I am deeply saddened and deeply touched... I have read many stories about people losing their innocent babies at such a young age due to no fault of their own, and makes me so sad. They don't deserve it in the least bit. Its changed me, I have learned to be not so selfish, and petty and not to take anything in life for granted, especially my beautiful Zoe. It's inspired me to be the BEST mom that I CAN BE! I cherish every moment with my princess, hold her tight, and give her all the kisses she can handle! :) I also pray for her, and for all the others who have loved and lost. I have never been the person to pray per say or to look to god, but now I am trying to get into it and live my life the right way.
4. I never realized how hard it would be to live an hour and fifteen minutes away from my parents, although I am extremely independent, my mother means ALOT to me! She has raised me, through the trials and tribulations of her own life, to be the person that I am today! I will always appreciate her for the wonderful mother she has and always will be!
5. I think I have the baby blues, or something around that nature. I have a beautiful five month old. I feel as if everyone around me is having more babies, or having their first. I want to have more kids, but as of right now its just too SOON! Mitchell and I have talked about more kids and decided to wait until Zoe is at least over one year old.  I now realized I was destined to be a mother, I just was not very happy with my old life working all the time and doing the immature things that I have. 
6. I really hate that I have anxiety issues... It makes my life that much harder. I worry about ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING! Is this normal? I know that I worry, but I do not want to be one of those VERY over-protective mothers! That don't/won't even let their child play in the dirt due to germs! I am already addicted to germ-x... What next???
7. Mitchell and I's one year wedding anniversary is approaching very fast! Its in two-weeks, it's hard to believe that it's only been a year, it feels like its been a lifetime with him. Not saying this in a bad way! I know that he is my soul-mate, and love him with every fiber of my being! Time just seems to fly by. I am looking foward to April 2nd, 2011 ( Our wedding anniversary) to being with him and actually getting to go somewhere TOGETHER! I am NOT looking foward to being with-out my Zoe for a night though! It'll be my first night with-out her I just hope I don't have n anxiety attack, or a nervous break-down! Not to say I don't trust her grandparents, it's like I said I've never been a night without her! I think I have separation anxiety?! I'm sure we will see though, wish me LUCK!
8. I really need to find a HOBBY! Although blogging works and keeps me semi-sane, I feel as if I need a concrete hobby. For example : jewelery making, crafts, fabrics, making candles. A few to name, I just don't seem to have the time to really have time to myself and do this (NOT COMPLAINING) I am just always busy with Zoe, house-work, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, or whatever else comes up! 
9. Ive been having these weird dreams lately! i often wonder if dreams are a meaning of whats to come? That is what I have been told. If so then wow, I really hope not! 
10. I have such great friends and family. I would give them the shirt off my back! Then you have the occasional, someone that PRETENDS to be your "friend" then talks about you behind your back. I have no time or patience for that. I would rather have "A couple or non-good friends, versus fifty crappy friends"! Also I decided that I am going to be getting my 14th tattoo not to sure when? But I do know what of, I know everyone has their child's name or at the very least wants to get a tattoo of their child's name or something of that nature. I am going to change mine up though. Not concrete ideas, but some that are unique in the way it isn't repetative in other name tattos!

Well these are my thoughts of today, I know kind of random. Although blogging about it gives me a release. Makes people see a little bit more into me and why I am the way I am. So I always seem to leave you all with a picture I will leave you with another one! Can't break tradition now...

She makes me smile...

"Never take for granted the precious life you been blessed with"

Today has been a day of questioning as I look down onto my beautiful princess Zoe, smiling as she looks and gazes right into my eyes and laughs with her innocent laugh! Bear with me, as this will seem like it's all over the place.

I have only been on the blogspot for a little over a month. It is my voice, to my strength, weakness, love, and life it's self in its most intimate stage. I've read some of the most devastating tragedies on here, and stories about loss. Though I've never been through this loss, and hope that I never forsee this as well. I wanted to take a time out and express, my opinions, thoughts, and questions.

Everyday everyone is either finding out they are pregnant, or giving birth. The true meaning of life evolves through your children. So why do some of the most innocent, have to experience this loss, through no fault of their own? I am not saying that I have been the best friend, or person in the past. Although I have learned through my faults, and grew stronger from them. My daughter has made me to try and be the best person, to be for me and as well for her. Though I don't take any day or moment that I get to spend with Zoe for granted, I feel as though some people do. I'm not trying to make anyone out to be a bad mother, to make myself seem as "Mother Teresa" though some people I feel as if they should not be bless with such a wonderful gift, as to bring a innocent child into the world. I am not a judgemental person by any means, some people just make me wonder. To take care of an child from birth is a 24/7 job, and not by any means just a part-time mother, or a means to show that you can procreate. I know this is going to get a little controversial, I have to speak my mind though. Why do the people that take care of their child to the fullest extent, and love their child unconditionally have to sometimes suffer the loss of their innocent baby? When there are mothers out there that only want the child as, a tax write off, or just to simply have their baby as an "accessory" A real mother takes care of the child, on a day to day bases and not just simply when they want to. A real mother lives, and breaths for their child, making sure no harm to come to them. A real mother stays up with the baby when he/she cant sleep, wakes up at those 3am feedings, without complaint, and loves and holds their baby/child through illnesses, and lets them know they are safe when they are around you. As I said I am not being jusgemental of anyone and their situation, there are things that arise that you cannot control i.e: working, child-care, non-planned pregnancy, to name a few. I am sure you get what I am getting around to, but it's just an observation. Never take anyday with your baby/child for granted and learn from past experiences and someones life stories, and love your child unconditionally, and not complain about other issues in your life that are so "little" I have those moments to where I do complain. I for one second do not take any moment of my life for granted though, and know that with things that you have experienced in the past "Only makes you stronger in the end".

God has a plan for everyone that is born, may it be to touch people, even if it is for a short while, or to make you as the parent or guardian, or just a stranger a better person in the end. Every life has a meaning no matter how long they stay!

Now that I have went on my rant, its time to think, think about all the ones that have issues with fertility, that can-not have children of their own, someone that has lost a child, and/or experienced some type of strife. As you think of this don't all your problems seem like such a minor issue? Like I said this is all over the place, but I've been thinking about this for some weeks, and I had to let it all spill out on to this blog. For anyone and everyone that is around/amongst children, or have their own, please take that extra time to spend, with your little one, love, hold and kiss your baby/child. For your baby/child is what the future will be!

I leave you with this LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE! The three words that I live by!

Zoe Ann Marie Simmons

10-12-10

She is what I live and breath for!

Well look whos back!

Im back, after being down and out of commission for the last couple days, I will get to that in just a bit! My gorgeous baby Zoe is 5 months old! I can't even fathom how time has just flown by and how much she has grown! She is becoming more and more active, now she is trying to pull herself up! With little success, but I see her sitting up by herself VERY SOON! She just amazes me everyday! I couldn't have been blessed anymore then what I have.. I have my husband Mitchell who is very hard working, loving, a wonderful husband, all in all the love of my life! :) Then I have my miss Zoe that just melts my heart away! Shes growing up so very much and she will be 6 months old on April 12th I can't wait I always love to take pictures of her every-time she reaches another month! I thank god everyday for the amazing gift he has given me!

HERE IS ZOE'S 5 MONTH PICTURE!

HER SMILE TAKES MY BREATH AWAY! 

Its been a while since I've been on here to unload all the things that have happened and there was some ups and some downs! The the event that I am so very excited for is Mitchell and I have our first year wedding anniversary on April 2nd, 2011. I am excited and kind of nervous I am so glad I get to spend some quality time with my husband, but its a little bitter-sweet since my baby girl will be going to her nana's to spend the night. Need I remind you all I have never been a night with-out my sweet baby girl so I am going to probably going to cry by the end of the night! We will see Ill update as the time comes! 

I was experiencing some slight jaw pain before I was going to sleep Thursday night, then it progressed into a migraine, then worse jaw pain. It persisted till the next morning and I was in so much pain all I could do was cry! I explained to Mitchell I shouldn't be experiencing this pain and he told me to call a dentist my exact word were "Why a dentist? My teeth don't hurt"! Not thinking duh! This is the best solution. I called the dentist and I was able to get in ASAP! Waiting for the doctor after they took an x-ray. My dentist told me "well you have a portion of your jaw to where there is a gap to where you have absolutely no JAW BONE"! I was baffled how could I not have a JAW BONE? Then she explained it to me and then it all seemed to make since at that point in time she referred me to an oral surgeon, It was a Friday and they were closed I was told so I got some antibiotics and pain medication to last me until I went to the doctor. Called the surgeon on Monday and low and behold they weren't open in my area Monday's or Friday's, I made the first available appointment for Tuesday which was 2:45pm, then I got a call from the receptionist that said I could come in for my consultation and then have my surgery after this! I took it, although I was with out a doubt scared, I had to get it done! Well to spare you all the gruesome details of my surgery. I am glad to say its my fourth day out of surgery and I am doing very well not feeling bad. Although the first couple days were miserable, but it was so much easier since I have the great husband that I do that took care of Zoe and me! I love him so very much!

Mitchell and Tina

"FOREVER OUR LOVE WILL LAST"

Changes

So today as I was doing all my daily mommy/wife duties, I was thinking WOW how my life has changed so much and it really is all for the better. So I figured I would give you all insight into how I really HAVE changed.
   Well we will go back to when I was in high school (yea those years!) Now high school I wish I could say where my best years but honestly it was kind of rough, to say at the VERY least! I was a not so very nice person/friend. I wish sometimes I could go back to that because I feel as if I did, things would have turned out differently with some of my friends. Well I was one of those people, I never really knew where I fit into be exact, I found myself with various friends of different back grounds. I was shy till I got to know you, and people somewhat interpret that into I was a b**** for lack of a better word. I was and still am a very observative person, basing my interpretation of a person off their body motion. Meanwhile being a spontaneous, crazy, my way or the high-way type of person. Which I think drew people away, im not sure where this all came from but then I turned from being a pretty good friend into a HORRIBLE friend. I went into lying, back-stabbing, talking about people behind  their backs (yea I was one of THOSE friends!) Im not to sure where it all came from, and it took me till I got with my husband and found out that I was pregnant to figure this out! I am assuming this is one of lifes lessons but I often wonder why did it take me so long for me to change? Then thinking back to it all I've broken alot, or ruined a lot of my friendships from that point on. Who do I have to blame? no one but MYSELF.
   So now that you knew how I was with my friends, family is not so much different, lying was an issue, not listening, you know what pretty much every teen does to their family! I was the PROBLEM child. That's it from there.
   So now that I am sitting here blogging and letting people into my life as of NOW, when i'm married and have a five month old daughter. I say I have changed and I dont have to prove it to no one! I know that I have I just have to get this off my chest is why im blogging about this to give people insight in who I was in the past and who I am NOW! It's all for my daughter and husband. Let me list the ways in that I have changed into a person that someone can trust and respect. (hopefully it's not too late, for some of those who I have hurt in the past)

Changes in my life include:

1. Being respectful to people and their decisions that they make.
2. Being completely honest, with each and everyone.
3. Being mature, and level-headed.
4. Not so stubborn.
5. Not to be judgemental, of a person or their situation
6. Have better judgement, and not getting into other peoples business.
7. Not getting sucked into drama
8. Staying away from the bad influences to me, or to my daughter.
9. Letting people in, and not pushing people away.
10. admitting my faults.

I have changed so much and there are two people I can thank for that and that would be my husband and my daughter, she makes me a better person each and everyday. I want her to grow up and to be a good person/friend and to not make the same mistakes as I have. My husband has done so much for me, and loved me for who I am and never tried to change me! He is great and this is why I love him very MUCH!



Now for my apology: I have to make amends to let all the people out there that I have either hurt, or taken advantage of, or lied to, or did any kind of wrong doing towards I am truly very sorry, and I never meant to be that PERSON! I will never go down that path again, and I will not blame you if you do not accept my apologies since it is long over-due. I can only hope you see this as a path to an CHANGED person! I love you all and hope that I can get back some of those relationships I have either ruined, or broken! This is my APOLOGY!

My reason for being a better person in life is this little girl she means the world to me

all I want is for her to be proud of her mama!

My Baby!

Her hand at two weeks old.

Sleeping princess

Valentines Baby

Mommy and Zoe

Daddy and Zoe